Grab Two Beers And Meet Me In the F'ing Unknown: September 2005

The Solution to Katrina's Woes

I don't have anything else to say

On the case...

I don't think its any secret that I fancy myself to be a bit of a political scientist. Lately, much has been made about the Federal Government's delayed response to Hurricane Katrina. Why did it take so long for help and aid to arrive? Who is to blame here? Well, I decided to a little investigating of my own... and THIS is what I discovered:

look closely. case closed.

this is very important!

please read! especially all of you who like to talk about gay philosophy stuff! (so that means all of you)

sincerely,
the guy who is intellectually callenged
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/40984

Finally

I am glad Paul finally found the Create Post button. Welcome, my paulass.

I think by far my favorite Paul story has to do with the time Paul and Nathan Bishop were in Danville, to watch my California Golden Bears get absolutely throttled by the Washington Huskies (small consolations: NO THANKS to will conroy, leon and ayinde were on the bench, Richard chop-blocked Nate Robinson and looked delighted to do so, Benson dunked on Jensen, and washington sucks at football).

Afterwards, after bar hopping around Berkeley for awhile, we ended up in Downtown Danville, enjoying the many bars and lively nightlife that occurs on Thursday nights, within 100 yards from my apartment.

Now Bishop and I, being old and involved, were quite content to sit in the corner, drink beers, and watch hi lights of the game we were just at.

Then, SHE walked in. One of those girls that literally stops all traffic within a 3 mile radius. As she made her way through the crowded bar, the path in front of her opened up like the red sea. You could literally see head after head turn as she strutted her stuff, and had a seat. Some of the braver guys approached her. She took the offered drinks, smiled politely, made small talk, and sent them on their way.

Paul, buzzed and euphoric after receiving no less than three different girls numbers in a 30 minute time span, joined Bishop and I in the corner, and assessed the situation.

"You guys ready to bounce? I would say this night has been a success." He remarked.

"Not so fast, my the paulass!" said Bishop firmly. "We arent leaving until you go talk to that girl."

Paul smiled. "Is this a dare?" He asked.

"Yeahandmrremumbletyfuckncrrhotchick." I slurred uselessly, turned back to the counter and downed another Fat Tire.

Well that was all the prompting he needed. He was gone like like a shot. Paused, momentarily, like a cheetah stalking his prey, and went in. Walked right up as the bartender handed her a Seven and Seven, and threw down the Money Line: "I really hope you aren't planning on paying for that." She looked up and smiled. He smiled. He had a seat. Game over.

45 minutes later, they were still talking, and Bishop and I realized we would be going home together, sans Paul.

4 and half hours later, I was awakened from my very deep sleep/coma by my cell phone, and struggled to decipher the words from a very frantic Paul, running through the streets of Danville with no clue where he was, and yes, it was now 5:30 in the morning.

Now the thing about the above story, is that it is not an isolated incident, and in fact, has probably occurred about 13 different times, most in the same bar no less, with only slight variations. And this is all to say, Welcome Paul, to actually posting on the Unknown (not that we didnt enjoy your Comments-only status).

Now who wants to talk about my Fantasy Baseball Team? Anyone? Hello? Is this thing on?

Our Logo

So we've been blogging for a while. I think now it is time to develop a brand so that our blog can start raking in the monies (pronounced "s" with a line through it).

Oh Lord, help me to be stronHey, don't I know you?

So tonight I went out and had "a couple," and I see this girl from one of my classes at UCSRJC(University of California at Santa Rosa Junior College). This is the one girl that every time I'm in class, I wonder if I'm going to see her. I see her at this fine establishment (located on is affectionately known as the Cotati Crawl) and smile. She says, "Hey, your in my ass"...CLASS, I MEANT CLASS. So I played it cool, bought her a couple beers, let her have her space, with interjections of "Are you doing okay?" and "Come take a shot with me." She was also drinking what I was drinking: Corona (oh the sweet nectar that's made in the outer gates of heaven...Hecho en Mexico!). The night ended with an invitation to Carrow's and many-a-good-bye with those mutual cheek kisses that got closer and closer to the lips, a kiss on my hand, and a "You made my night." I don't know what to do. Do I buy the ring now? Should I wait couple of weeks? Should I propose in class? Would any of this be weird? These are the questions that plague me.

On a lighter note, I am meeting with my pastor and a few of other guys in my life group from Church in about 4 hours. I doubt they would have an opinion on this particular matter so why even bring it up? Praise the Lord and pray without ceasing as we keep every thought captive to the obedience of my own will that seems to be as strong as Drew when he's at his finest proclaiming in truth, "JUST ONE MORE!" Preach it brother, preach it.

Go Halos!

I know you guys have been following the Angels all year and you have been waiting for this moment. 2005 western division champs! SOO GAY! anyway, I just to post and say that I just got off the phone with Chris Berman from ESPN. I love that guy.
hormone update: still really horny and want to get married soon.

I have to link to this news article (stolen from Simmons, who else?)

Lets ignore the fact that McDonalds-Japan is turning Ronald Mcdonald into a bikini-wearing female clown for a moment. Please, for the love of all thats holy, scroll down to the quote from the President of Mcdonalds-Japan that ends the article.

I would just quote it, but I am pretty sure our blog would be flagged and shut down within seconds. especially since the Secret Service are probably crawling all over the Unknown ever since Nate decided to post an image of me giving a little grammar lesson to arguably the most well spoken man on the planet, our commander and chief, and the pride of the Ivy League education system... Yes, this is the same man who thought "misunderestimated" was a word.

Has Everybody Met...

Dru's new girlfriend? Apparently the last several blog posts prompted Dru to get off his ass and onto EHarmony.com. His search looked a bit like this.

Wanted:

D&D Nerd, Magic Card Game Nerd, Lord of the Rings Nerd, Renaissance Nerd, Nintendo Fanboy Nerd, Apple Nerd, PC Nerd, Star Wars, Trekies Nerd, Anime Nerd, Cosplay Nerd, Blogger Nerd, Asian Math, Science Nerd, Emo Nerd, Torrey Nerd, Book Nerd, AIM Nerd, Comic Nerd, and finally Fantasy Sports Nerd.

After several seconds (EHarmony doesn't mess around), Dru was given two options, but apparently they were already fighting over him:

I'm a photoshopping nerd

But at least i'm not a Young Republican

Finally I can go out in public...

For all of you who have looked in the mirror recently and thought "yeah, I just ain't got it anymore." I present the cure to your ills. Rejoice party people. Rejoice.

The Way We Fill Our Days

Yeah, so the top five reasons (five because I'm lazy and I don't think anyone cares anyway) I haven't posted recently (inspired by Nate B, who has just learned how to play chopsticks for the first time without music)!

#5 A little Italian guy in a red hat has taken up a lot of my time.

#4 My new job and boss have been keeping me really gay...I mean really busy.

#3 I have been spending countless hours doing this:

#2 So many Chuck Norris movies, so little time.

And the #1 reason:

Da na na na na, Da na na na na, Da na na na na na na!

The Top Ten Reasons I Haven't Posted in a Damn Week!

10. Extremely intimidated by the hilariousness of the Cuck (editor's note: CHUCK) Norris Fact Generator.
9. Enjoying the Rennaisance of Jared Johnson on the blog from afar. I do love my Jawed.
8. I've been achieving Dru-esque productivity at work......wait.....wait....damn.
7. To quote the previously cited Dru "The playful soul of the muse does not favor my heart with its gay presence but fortnightly."
6. Lots & lots of football (Shaun Alexander is easily, easily the greatest Running Back in NFL history who also happens to have a vagina).
5. I've recently naively gotten involved at our church up here by agreeing to mentor a small group of youth and helping out with a choir. I'm a dipshit. I never learn.
4. I thought about not posting until Cody or Paul got off their ass and posted in a silent protest but gave it up after I realized that it's more likely that Nate will slap a Kerry sticker on his car.
3. The newness of the blog wore off. I needed a break.
2. Again. too....much....working.
1. Have finally learned how to figure out songs on the piano without music. This weeks additions: "I'm Sailing Away", "Brick" and "Amie". Requests?

P.S. King Felix, tonight, 7:05. Mariners Vs. Rangers. Pray for him. Love you guys (even Dru. I can't stay mad at you).

Humor me

Look you guys, I have resisted posting daily Cal updates since I know no one really cares, but I couldnt resist copying and pasting this little gem from Page 2:

"Symptom, cause or somewhere in between?: Notre Dame backed out of a scholarship offer to Texas prep Justin Forsett two years ago; in the last two games, Forsett has rushed for 422 yards as a fill-in for injured phenom Marshawn Lynch at Cal."

Stupid Irish. Personally, I blame Tyrone... the corpse of the dead UW program is barely cold, why dont you go bury it... never to be found.

Apology

You're right Drew I shouldn't think you are just sitting there on bubbs waiting to reply. You stay busy in many different ways.

The Whole Enchilada

I really felt Nate was being modest and not presenting the whole picture. And as Phil Collins says: "We all need to hear both sides of the story".

And the nerd wars continued unabated...

This just in...

According to this article, The funniest man alive (RIP Mitch), Conan O'brien admits he is hooked on Laguna Beach.

"At first I was trying to make fun of it, but then I was like, ‘Kristin is a bitch, but she’s so much more interesting than L.C.!"

I feel much better about myself now.

Also included, his rivalry with john stewart and a borderline pornographic joke about johnny depp. all in all, well worth the read.

Why we all love Drew

You can always be sure whenever you bubbs Drew anything he is on it within a minute.

Don't tell Jill....

There have been exactly two pics posted of Garrett on the blog now (three if you count his sky mall photo shoot) and in both, the G was found in a compromising position with a dashing, tan young man. G...is there anything you need to tell us?

Things on my mind

Thursday there I am laying on the couch just getting ready to fall asleep when it happened, Renee Zellweger broke up with me. BLAM! I have to say I didn’t expect it and it has thrown me off a little. Here’s the deal. I have seen the beginning of Jerry McGuire and I have seen the end of Jerry McGuire but I have never sat down and watched it straight through from start to finish. Well just as I’m drifting off to sleep I hear Renee “Curiously Unattractive” Zellweger delivering a line to Ton Cruise that was word-for-damn-word what a previous girlfriend gave me as rationale for breaking up. Now I’m really pissed. I really want to be back in that situation and have a chance to say something like “No line, no breakup.” Maybe I could have said “well at lest when Renee said that she got paid to be ugly (curiously ugly)” or something of that nature.

Just for the record Poppy Montgomery is attractive and rumor has it that she is currently celebrating Oktoberfest. Also no band should ever be able to name themselves All American Rejects or any pseudo-we-suck names (i.e. The Sucks, We Suck, We Can’t Sing, We’re Losers So Love Us and Buy Our Records, We Wear Tight Jeans and Spend Our Suburban Money at Fake-Thrift Stores and Wish We Were Losers… and so on so forth).

A few observations

I was at a funeral the other day for my pastor, which was the most amazing memorial service I have been to in my life. and I have been to quite a few. He was an awesome guy and a great example of the way we should live our lives.
While at the funeral, however, I had a lot of time to sit and ponder. I not only pondered how I live my life and how I should try to live the way he did but I also noticed a few things about people that continually occur and they need to be addressed.
These things happen all the time, at church, at funerals, and at anything where there is supposed to be some reverence.
first: Cell phones and old people mix about as well as dog in a Chinese restaurant. I know they are a new technology, but come on, turn the page. They are not that hard to figure out. If it rings you simply open it up and talk or maybe press a button, any button and then talk, not that hard. This can even be done with one hand. If you miss a call it is not the end of the world. there is an easy way of finding out who just called and even when they called. IT SAYS IT ON THE DAMN SCREEN! you dont need to run to your phone as soon as it starts its annoying stock ringtone. especially right before an event like church or a funeral, first of all it should be on silent by this point anyway, second, you can figure out the details when you return to your seat.
second: saving seats is not the most important thing in the whole world. Turns out there are other seats in the place where your friends, family and other acquaintances can sit. Your don't need your entire family tree to sit in the same row as you. You do not need to stand guard over your seats either and for Gosh sake, sit the F down, I don't care that the service hasn't started, you don't need to stand and wait for your family to find you.
Third: I know it is the morning but for goodness sake do you honestly need your five gallon pale of starbucks coffee with you at all times. We all know you are rich and can afford it and just NEED your startbucks in the morning, but please dont flaunt it like it is an olympic metal. And do you really need a 6 shot mocha to stay awake in church, give me a break! Everytime I see you, you have "a starbucks" in your hand.
forth: and I wont even really get into this one, but I have to mention it. OK turns out you are inside now. LOSE THE FACKING SUNGLASSES!
those are a few of my favorite things. I need to know if I am over the top on this or if you guys agree with me!

Freud was right...

What kind of church is this?

As someone who used to be really involved in ministry, I actually sympathize with this guy... recovery can be a bitch.

101

Guys I keep wanting to post a new post on the blog but cannot for the following reasons:

1) My weekend consisted solely of high school football on Friday, college football on Saturday, and sleeping on my couch all day Sunday.

2) Every time I click on the blog, I am immediately sucked into the Random Chuck Norris Fact Generator. It wields some mysterious power over me, way more so then the hot German girls drinking beer post. For some reason, I crave the knowledge that: Chuck Norris can play the solo from Stairway to Heaven using just pubic trimmings and a glockenspiel, and that If a credit card is your only means of payment in Algeciras, Spain, you're bound to have trouble finding a tapas bar that will serve you dinner and drinks. To solve this problem, the last thing you should do is hop on the half-hour ferry to Morocco, which also doesn't accept credit very often. People may or may not know this. Of these people, Chuck Norris may or may not know this the most.

Pennant Race Breakdown

There are two things that I am good at: 1) talking inappropriately and 2) talking about baseball. So I thought why not mix the two and give a little break down of the extremely close playoffs races that are happening right before our very eyes.

I will start with weaker league (only 8 hitters in the lineup, excluding my boy dontrelle willis) and the Weakest division in the history of baseball.
NL West: Are you friggin kidding me with this crap?! the OC expos would win this division. If a team could stop playing they would win, because their loss column would not continue to swell like R. Kelly at Toys R US. The Padres should win this division, I hope. If the return of Bonds causes the GAY ASS giants to come back and make the playoffs I will no longer be a baseball fan.. well at least until next year, but I will be pissed.
NL Central: This is a pretty good division, the cardinals are the best team in baseball, yes I said it. maybe not right now, but over all they are. Albert POO-Hole is/ will be the best hitter in the history of baseball. If their pitching is there, they will dominate. Houston might win the wild card (wild card race is crazing this year by the way, and I dont feel like breaking that down) and they might have to play their last games in a minor league park, because of the freaking hurricane. (p.s. are you friggin kidding with all they hurricanes, gosh dangit!)
NL East: The braves will win their 3523 straight division title and the nationals will be wondering, what if? The nationals had a great first half and a decent second half, I do have to admit they were impressive this year. Eventhough Guillen is a complete douche-licker and Frank Robinson enjoys the sexual contact of other males. I do like the marlins, not because they will win but because they are good. Dontrelle willis, this guys rules! he hit 7th in the lineup the other day. oh and did I mention he has 22 wins. yeah 22, when bartolo colon won his 20 everyone in southern california offered to service him, meanwhile 2 pitchers have already done it.. This year! eventhough they only face 8 hitters each night they still won 20 games, but every angel fan thinks bartolo is the first in the history of the game.

AL West: The angels will win it. they have won 7th straight and they go into oakland this next week. The A's are my favorite team in the west this year because they still win with the average age of 6 years and 57 days. But the angels need production from all of their caribbean players and they cannot have them swinging at slop.
AL central: This might the the biggest case of crapping the bed in the history of the game. The Indians, oh sorry, the Native Americans, are good right now and if they make the playoffs (very likely) they will win it all. They have it all right now. The white sox deserve to lose. Ozzie Guillen is a complete dunch sucker and he needs to learn how to manage and not be everyone's best friend. Oh I heard he throws up after each loss. What an Alpha girl.
AL East: Yankees will win! you want to know why? They are the F-ing YANKEES! that is why.
That is my little breakdown and a little longer post for you all to enjoy. play with it and let me know what you think.

well fellas, I apologize

I know it has been far too long, but I am still here and checking the blog regularly, I just have not had any time to post, and for that I am sorry. I didnt even get a lunch break yesterday at work. Yeah those angels can chug my root! I was hungry. I do appreciate the milf carton with the AWESOME photo with drew trying to service me.
Just an update from my end of things, I am still waiting to hear about a future job. I am still wanting to get married. I talked to cody yesterday and got an update on his adventures, but I am using my conscience and not posting what he told me, but dudes, I want to make sex really bad! Jill has been sick lately and my mom told me to tell her that before long we will be bumping uglies, to make her feel better. I had a nice little convo with Paul Byrd the other day, probably the coolest guy of all time. great christian guy. I have aquired herpies... and you think I am kidding! Lets see, what else is going on? Laguna beach is still awesome and I have started watching the OC and not because I like that damn show but because I watched the first one and now I cant miss one. But Laguna is still WAY better. Drew can I have my mix tape back I have to give it to jill, it is our 6 month aniversary. Chuck N is cool, did anyone ever see Side Kicks? cause I did and sometimes find myself day dreaming about crawling through the jungle with Chuck norris. Anyway, I love you all and I will start making time to post. until then. Play with It!!

Still missing

Gross, that is seriously gross guys. How inappropriate for a Biola grad to post that

Chatting with Bono

The interview hadn't even begun..... and suddenly we all noticed
something very peculiar: Bono - is - taking - all - his - clothes - off.
The white shirt went first, then his black suede boots, his socks,
trousers, and briefs (black with white trim, possibly Calvin Klein,
probably Marks & Spencer). "That's better," he sighed blissfully. "Now
ask me a serious question -- if you dare."

Excuse me but why have you taken your clothes off, Bono?
"For the same reason," interjected the Edge,
answering on Bono's behalf, "that he's the lead singer. Because he's a
rampant sex god with a huge ego."
"And a small willy," added Adam.

http://www.u2takemehigher.com/bonoquotes.html

The NEW best post of the entire blog...

Holy shit. Forget the mixtape. The mixtape has been dethroned.

THIS is the new best website of all time, bar none. BAR NONE. Just ask Chuck, dammit. Warning, if you visit this site, your entire afternoon will be consumed.

You wont want to leave. Ever.

CLICK HERE IF YOU DARE!!!!!!!!!

Do you still love baseball cards?

I know I do. If yes, click here.

Dont forget there are two pages, or you might miss Jose.

Weather Weapons!?!

With the recent hurricanes in New Orleans and Houston, and now several earthquakes North of Los Angeles, the following information seems rather interesting!

Taken from: http://www.weatherwars.info/katrina.htm
http://www.cuttingedge.org/news/n1207.cfm

August 30, 2005

Ivan and Katrina

These are both very Russian sounding names. It has been established that the former Soviet Union (fSU) developed and boasted of weather modification technology during the 1960's and 70's with deployment against the United States coming in 1976 with the audible arrival of the woodpecker grid. These weather operations continue to this day.

I have posted this page FAR sooner than I would like to have. I would like to have had the post mortem of Katrina from the National Hurricane Center to work from as well as a little time/distance from the events of this week so that perspective can be maintained. I will continue to update and add to this page in the days ahead.

This nation has not faced an economic crisis like the one that Katrina will spark in the days and months ahead. But that is one of the reasons Katrina was absolutely guided along the path that we all watched. This path has resulted in maximum damage to the energy infrastructure, transportation infrastructure and to the psyche of those that remain susceptible to further storms this year and in the years to follow. Oh New Orleans!

I fully expect one more 'event' this year to impact the United States. My gut feeling is that it will be an earthquake/volcanic event with intensity of at least 7.5 in magnitude resulting in insured losses to exceed $25 billion. Where will happen? My gut says the Western United States.

Protect your family's wealth with precious metals as the cascading effects from this disaster and from poor government fiscal management, which have just begun to be felt worldwide.

My prayers go out to all who need a helping hand in the very difficult times ahead. The amount of social change that this storm has begun to unleash upon the fabric of American society is just now being grasped by the media, they are always a little slow to pick up on things, but then what's new! Oh how we long for a truly free press.

So, you ask, how much energy is required to create, and then direct, storms? The answer to that question depends upon many factors, but let us tell you how much capability has been built into the newly created power transmission station in remote Alaska. These power transmission towers are not your typical towers, as they are designed to generate power in such a way that it is beamed up into the ionosphere in tremendous quantities.

"The $30 million [Pentagon] project, euphemistically named HAARP (High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program), is made to beam more than 1.7 gigawatts (billion watts) of radiated power into the ionosphere -- the electrically charged layer above Earth's atmosphere. Put simply, the apparatus is a reversal of a radio telescope -- just transmitting instead of receiving. It will 'boil the upper atmosphere'. After [heating] and disturbing the ionosphere, the radiations will bounce back onto the earth in for form of long waves which penetrate our bodies, the ground and the oceans." ["Angels Don't Play This HAARP", page 8]

Let us allow Dr. Begich explain this concept. "... this invention provides the ability to put unprecedented amounts of power in the Earth's atmosphere at strategic locations and to maintain the power injection level, particularly if random pulsing is employed, in a manner far more precise and better controlled than heretofore accomplished by the prior art ...." [Page 28]
"... the goal is to learn how to manipulate the ionosphere on a more grand scale than the the Soviet Union could do with its similar facilities. HAARP would be the largest ionospheric heater in the world, located in a latitude most conducive to putting Eastlund's invention into practice." [Page 29] Furthermore, from this northern latitude, the energy could be aimed into the ionosphere so that it would bounce back down to the earth so it would come down wherever the scientists wanted it to come down. The secret was to learn how and where to aim it to hit the earth where they wanted it to hit, creating the type of disaster or weather they desired.

In a nutshell, this is the nucleus of the expertise just recently acquired to control the weather. By pouring measured energy that has been focussed into certain parts of the ionosphere, scientists can create all kinds of storms like hurricanes, thunderstorms, floods, tornadoes, and drought. In NEWS1198, "U.N. Treaty Proves Weather Control Is Real", we report news articles that Malaysia actually contracted with a Russian Weather Modification company to create a hurricane that would be directed close enough to clear the smoke and smog from Malaysia's cities without actually coming on to land to create devastation. This Russian company delivered, and Malaysia had clear skies.
Our information also tells us that, not only can hurricanes be created, they can be dismantled should scientists so desire. And, they certainly can be driven on the ocean much like we drive our cars on roadways. Therefore, one has to ask why American scientists have allowed unprecedented hurricanes, like Andrew, to ever come on shore. Why are American scientists allowing extensive damage and lives lost to recent unprecedented storms, since they have the capability to keep these storms away from us?

Bogus? Probably. But, interesting, nonetheless.

Alright fine

alright in all seriousness, even though i make fun of you guys, i played NES... granted it was in grades 2-5 but hey, I played.
The thing that worries me, about how big of an impression this gray box made on my life can be explained with the following list:

Number of GA Accounting Principles I can remember from memory: Zero. (Thanks for nothing, Woodward.)

Number of Pauls Missionary Journeys I can describe from memory: Zero. (My Acts teacher makes the Cal Athletic Director look like the hot German chick drinking beer: Oh my lesbian. not that theres anything wrong with that.)

Number of hymns I can remember singing in Thoeness' Super Christian class: Zero. (of course, I cut every tuesday for basketball and was out by break on thursdays for a productive evening of... well, sitting around doing nothing.)

But ask me, ASK ME, how do jump directly to Mike Tyson on PunchOut and I will immediately respond with 007 373 5963. Catch ya later Sandman, you unbeatable assclown. See you later, Second Piston Honda. Charge this, Bald Bull. You're not fooling anyone, Soda Popinski. Hippo guy, i will actually miss you, you fat pants-less bastard.

And I'm out.

The road rolls ever on and on

WARNING!!!! SPIRITUAL SHARING AHEAD!!!! The writer of this post freely admits that the terms "bible", "christian", "Jesus" and "Stan" will appear in the following post. The writer assumes no liability for discomfort that the readers of the following may experience. Consider notice given.

As you all know I've been having a bit of a tete a tete with The Almighty for awhile now. While this experience has been slowly building my whole life, it began in full force that fateful day I stared the success and glory that a college degree would bring right in the face, cocked an eyebrow, tensed my muscles and ran the other direction. This Led to a gay, joyous period of previously unknown freedoms (see alchahol), hot tub seshi, and glorious dance parties.
It also brought alot of anger. Anger directed towards various parties; Biola, Stan, Christianity in general, whichever stupid ass girl was in my apartment, etc. this anger was all flowing off a singular anger that I felt towards God. I felt that 21 years of "christian" living had rewarded me with a big zip as far as God was concerned. I felt cheated. If God wasn't going to be around, then why did I not ever party in high school? Why didn't I drink? Why did I let my "morality" keep me silently tsk-tsking my floor freshman year? So I gave it all up. I didn't go to church. I didn't read my bible. I vented. I raged. I was a big asshole to a lot of people. I still am an asshole to most people and generally inclined to hate you if I don't know you. But that is neither here nor there.
Anyways, the point of this long rant is that today, for the first time since I dropped out of college, I read my bible. I can honestly say that it wasn't that great and I didn't read that much. But it's a step. The coolest thing was that unlinke in college when I would read the bible in order to find some brilliant expository point I could make that would get me on Thoennes' "A" list (which never happened by the way. Damn Biola Basketball), I read the bible this morning hoping to meet Jesus in the process. This "new" concept has been brought about by a combination of conversations with my buddy Mike the Youth Pastor, the slow turning of time, and the book "Blue Like Jazz". I think I would have hated that book three years ago but now it speaks to my soul.

A Buddy Story...

I had lunch with my pops today. For those of you who don’t know, my dad has recently relocated to Colorado Springs to start a new ministry. He is back and forth between here and there for a few weeks, tying up loose ends at the church. So today we met for lunch.

Now the thing about my time as a college student at the prestigious Biola University, was that I managed to periodically land myself in quite a bit of hot water for various shenanigans. There were quite a few times when, tail tucked between my legs, I had to call my dad and break the news that I was in some pretty serious trouble, and needed either A) money for a fine B) a place to crash for a week or two/a car to get around C) a phone call to the President of the school to try to get me re-admitted.

The surprising thing was, my dad was never really that upset. He always supported me, and was willing to do anything to help me out, covered up as much as he could from my mother (whom I fear more then death itself) and honestly, always seemed to be more amused then upset. I never quite understood why, but wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth if you know what I’m saying. I think I must have just assumed that it was his way of making up for having to work so much while I was growing up.

Today, during the course of our lunch, some light was shed. Prior to today, the most I knew of my father’s younger years was that he grew up on a farm, played ball, and President of the Future Farmers of America, Oregon Division. That’s really it. But for some reason, today over lunch, he just started telling stories. Stories I have never heard. Stories of wild times at Western Baptist College.

My personal favorite was a sequence, where he stole a mattress from his RA and dammed up a water drainage culvert during a rainstorm. When he woke up the next morning, there was about 3 feet of water covering that section of campus. His RA turned him in, and he got nailed for it, got suspended from a couple of basketball games, and had to do 50 hours of community service. In retaliation, he went back to his dad’s (my grandpa’s) farm and removed the truck horn out of one of his dad’s milk trucks (think big-ass fog horn type horn). He set it up in the attic, directly above his RA’s room, over his bed. He ran wires along the attic floor, down into his own room, concealed behind a big basketball poster where he set up a switch, next to his bed. At night, after lights-out, he would hit the switch, and BAM, fog horn. When the RA ran up and down demanding to know what the sound was, everyone on the floor pretended they didn’t hear anything. Every time the RA calmed down and went back to bed, fog horn. Just genius. Oh, and about that 50 hours of community service, he went to a freshman class auction, bought 5 freshman, and had them do 10 hours each and get his form signed off. He got caught for that, too, gave the form to his basketball coach, who pushed it through. Sound familiar to anyone?

All this to say, I think my mischievous nature is an inherited trait. Although if my dad had actually opened up the vault and shared this stuff 10 years ago, I probably would have been a hell of a lot smarter and not gotten caught, oh, 100% of the time.

Raise up a cold one to Dr. Martin. Colorado is gaining one hell of a good guy.

10 books

Now for the three books I am going to start out with are poetry books because I have been reading a lot of poetry lately. After the poetry there are 7 additional books which you should read. I’m not saying that this is a list of the top ten books but they are the ten books that I am telling you to read now.

Loving a Woman in Two Worlds - Robert Bly – This book is simply amazing so earthy and real. Love poems without any sap. Any love poem that has the line “I do not love you every night” is okay in my world.

Best Tales of the Yukon - Robert W Service – Amazing poetry from a banker in the Yukon during the gold rush. You want poetry that captures an era and makes you want to leave everything to dig for a few pennies worth of gold dust then read this. Also the characters that Robert W. Service details would make an amazing movie. To get started you should read the poem “The Men Who Don’t Fit In” and then you will see why I like it so much.

Nine Horses - Billy Collins – former poet laureate who proves that one of the best ways to write poetry is to make it funny. Holy crapshit his stuff is good. I would say get any book by him and you wont be disappointed but I’ve canvassed Nine Horses.

Iron John - Robert Bly – It’s like reading John Eldridge without all the bullshit (okay so I guess that means its not like reading John Eldridge at all). This is an amazing book on the different legends and mythologies of manhood. Good to the last drop.

Without Remorse - Tom Clancy – I have never read a book more violent (and I’ve read Mario Puzo) than this book. At the same time I’ve never wanted to don face paint and sneak into Vietnam to save downed US pilots like I did after I read this. This book is all about Jack Clark (a.k.a. John Kelly) who is Tom Clancy’s badass. Because of this book anytime Clancy wanted to kill someone he brought in Jack Clark.

Basic Economics - Thomas Sowell – I’m serious you should read this. Thomas Sowell is one of the best at explaining economics that I have ever read. I used this book heavily for my thesis. If you want to understand economics and don’t want to be an economist… oh yea read this book… seriously.

Book of Honor - Ted Gup – This is the story of CIA operatives that were killed in action. These are stories that aren’t told anywhere else. There were some seriously crazy things going on in the 60’s and 70’s in the CIA. It’s like the Bourne Identity but real.

Salt a World History - Mark Kurlansky – If you like history and you like history and you like the obscure you must own this book. The story of all humanity told though the eyes of salt. Are you kidding me? Can they do that?

Three Nights in August - Buzz Bissinger – Tony LaRussa kicks ass. You know it, I know it, finally it is in a book.

Life After God - Douglas Copeland – You’ve finally found it. A book that deals with the cynicism of generation x and tries to understand man’s relationship with God all in a 3 hour read. Must buy, must read, must never be the same.

10 CD's

James Blunt - Back to Bedlam – If you took Coldplay between Parachutes and Rush of Blood to the Head and threw them in a trash compactor with Damien Rice and then infused it with Tal Bachman’s spirit you would wind up with this album. If you don’t have this album you should be ashamed.

Kasey Chambers - Baricades and Brick Walls – What can I say, Australians can sing country. There is no explanation for this but after you hear this CD there is no explanation required.

Sufjan Stevens – Illinois – This album is an ethereal experience from track 1 (Concerning the UFO Sighting Near Highland, IL) all the way to track 22 (Out of Egypt, into the Great Laugh of Mankind, and I Shake the Dirt from My Sandals as I Run). Never have a heard a better song about bone cancer (track 10) or about a serial killer (track 4). Best Christian music I heave heard since Petra’s Beyond Belief (‘till we reach the next plateau /beyond belief, beyond belief).

Lyle Lovett - Live in Texas – You will finally understand how someone who looks like Lyle could get a girl like Julia Roberts when you hear this album. This covers a wide range of Lyle’s style and has his top 3 songs: Nobody Knows Me, If I Had a Boat (“kiss my ass I bought a boat / I’m going out to sea”) & Closing Time.

Over the Rhine - Drunkard's Prayer – Very underrated group with amazing female vocals. This is their newest album and well worth a listen. Melancholy and hopeful with soft voices causing you to forget you aren’t in heaven quite yet (at least not until you cross that border into Missouri).

Johnny Cash - The Man Comes Around – Bro its Johnny Cash. Are you kidding me this is a great album. This album has his version of Hurt on it. There is a mix of covers and his new style with a song or two that remind you of the days when he was stomping out lights at the Grand ‘Ole Opry and being sued by the state of California for starting a forest fire.

The Jayhawks - Rainy Day Music – This album is mellow and folksy. It is great road tripping music and, oddly enough, great music for a rainy day (no one saw that coming).

Damien Rice – Live at Union Station – Okay so this isn’t an album but I got this off of a torrent and wow it is his “O” album but live and even more amazing-er-er. The live version of Delicate will, without a doubt – cause you to slap your grandma.

Ryan Adams – Jacksonville City Nights – So this album isn’t out yet and I have therefore not heard it. Let’s be honest though has Ryan Adams ever let you down? Shit, has Ryan Adams ever let anyone down (besides Sheldon and the lead guitarist of The Cardinals)?

Patty Griffin – Living with Ghosts – Such a great folk singer. Her album 10,000 Kisses blew my mind the first time I heard it and this album is just as good. You should curl up next to the fire with Mandy, put this CD on and show her your big… dvd collection.

Focus guys, focus

I think we are missing a very important point

When will Oktoberfest 2005 take place?

On Saturday, September 17th, the Schottenhamel tent is the place to be, if you want to catch the official opening ceremonies. At noontime, 12pm, the lord mayor of Munich will have the honor of tapping the first keg of Oktoberfest beer. Once the barrel has been tapped, all visitors will then be allowed to quench their thirst. The festival will last until October 3, 2005.

www.oktoberfest.de

Wanted: Alive and Devirginized

After two weeks of faithful blogging we have seen and heard many things. We've laughed, we've cried and had a good time. We've heard from a wide variety of characters: The sad, forlorn hippy in Northern California who's lost his groove. The grizzled, careworn transplat, stuck working for the man. The conservative, piglike midwesterner who his afraid of emotions. The deadly and smarmy eurotrash. The incredibly foul, juvenile high school athlete. The well read, talented guy that makes us all look lame. We've even heard (repeatadly)from a tube sock and the now former head of FEMA. However two members of our faithful brotherhood have yet to turn their fair countenances to face our joyous gathering. They are both beautiful, albeit quasi-computerilliterate people. If you hear from them please tell them that the Fing isn't as quite as unknown without them.

Come on Bishop

Come on man, you are better than this! I cant believe you changed your name and then did this. Unbelievable! Does Mandy know or should I tell her?

http://www.kitsapsun.com/bsun/local/article/0,2403,BSUN_19088_4092902,00.html

Octoberfest

I dont really have a whole lot to add to this.

Libros and stuff

Alright, fasten your seatbelts because I am about to get all intellectual on your ass. I want to discuss the concept of “reading”. I know Garrett will not be comfortable with this, since he has only read one book in its entirety in the past 15 years, Fab Five (great book, by the way), but as for the rest of you, listen up, you might learn something.

Bishop asked Nate for 10 books he should be reading, and I am going to usurp that request.

Bishop, you should not be reading any books at all, until you have sat your ass down and read The Brothers K by David James Duncan. (If you already have, please disregard and move on to the next post). I own a copy of this book, actually I own two copies of this book, because Nate absconded with my original copy, that bastard. To add insult to injury, Nate decided half through it, that a light hearted coming-of-age in the Pacific Northwest through baseball tale was in actuality, a bleeding heart hippy manifesto in disguise and bailed out halfway through, and in doing so, missed out on experiencing the entire spectrum of emotion that this book invokes, in addition to some powerful revelations about God.

It's really, really, REALLY damn funny. And on two separate occasions, I actually had to put the book the book down because I could no longer read through my tears. I can admit that because I can kick anyone's ass on this blog.

In conclusion, Bishop, if you haven’t already read this book, drop everything and do it. I found a copy on Half.com for 3 bucks.

Why are you still reading this post? You should be reading The Brothers K.

some more model photos

guys, This pic is for real. it was in skymall magazine. Crazy huh? Just thought I would share it with you.

Secondly, I had an interaction with good ol rex hudler yesterday. He came and sat at my desk with me. WOW. this guy. He had to get his computer fixed so I was just talking to him about it. And he said "Yeah MAN, I got a virus I think Man, I gotta Get it Fixed because during the Games man, during the games I have to know whats going on on the East coast ya know man?!? I will be sitting there during the game trying to check the scores and S*&T! my computer doesnt work ya know MAn," all of this with the excited of his broadcasts. I was so close to telling him "hey bro chill out! lets have a normal convo, I am not some 12 year in TV land who will get blood flow from hearing you talk about the "Halos" and how Robb Quinlan deserves the MVP award!"

On a serious note, I am struggling! the who spiritual thing is kicking me in the balls right now. I am trying so hard to be a good spiritual leader and I am crapping the bed on a daily basis. I am so frustrated and filled with guilt and I need to shape up soon. You guys now my struggles and I dont want any of it to be involved in my marriage. anyway Pray for me, I love you guys and I will be in touch with updates.

THE GREATEST POST THIS BLOG HAS SEEN YET

HOLY SHIT. I DO NOT HAVE THE WORDS TO EXPLAIN HOW GREAT THIS IS.

Before you click on this link and listen to the following awesomeness, you MUST make me a promise... you MUST listen the whole thing. Its 15 minutes long, but so so so so DAMN worth it. Trust me. So DO NOT listen to the following until you have 15 minutes.

A guy at work emailed this to me. do not bail out early. you will regret it.

Go to this link for Troy's mixtape of love: www.purevolume.com/troysmixtapeoflove

The girl he made it for broke up with him the next day. Bitch.

Nate isn't the only one who looks like famous...

The following is a true account, with no names being edited to protect the innocent.

It was a brisk spring day in Budapest. I was on foot, on my way to meet the rest of the crew, Nate, Garrett, Brady, and Farrar at the subway station. As I navigated the crowded streets, alive and buzzing with the sounds of every-day commerce, I noticed a strange phenomena… I was turning heads. As I walked, people stared. “Damn, I must look good!” I thought. But these were no longer passing glances, and the scrutiny grew stronger. Murmurs rippled throughout the crowd, like pebbles on a still pond, and now people were outright stopping and pointing. Camera phones flashed. “What the hell is going on?” I wondered. People began following me as I walked, jabbering in Hungarian. I quickened my pace. My hands were now clenched in fists, a pack of quarters concealed in my right as I walked faster; on the balls of my feet now, coiled like a spring about to pop should my situation become dire and I needed to go “D-town” all over their Hungarian ass.

The entrance to the train station loomed ahead, welcoming me like an old friend. I pushed through the still growing strong and made my way to platform where the guys were waiting, staring at the entourage that was accompanying me.

I just shrugged. “Don’t ask me!” I said.

As Brady slipped his backpack off and prepared to administer a triangle choke, should it prove necessary, Nate stepped forward and began jabbering in Hungarian with the nearest local. “Bocsánat Bocsánatot kérek! Tudna segíteni? Viszlát! Viszontlátásra! Délelõtt.”

He turned back to me. “They think you are the guy on the billboard.” He said matter of factly. “Apparently you are being mistaken with a nationally known Hungarian celebrity.”

The train pulled up and we hurriedly got on… the crowd on the platform cheered as they waved goodbye. “I will be a celebrity too, after I squash rat all over this window!” Garrett declared as he began to unbutton his pants.

“Memmhafovouave!” said Farrar mumbled, through a mouthful of croissant.

“What next?” I sighed, as I leaned my head against an advertisement along the wall, mentally preparing for whatever curveball Middle Europe had to throw at me next.

Felix watch Etc.

5:05 PDT Mariners Vs. Rangers. Just wanted to give you all an update and make sure you get a chance to watch as the hapless Texas Rangers get ready to face off against the best young pitcher that baseball has seen this millenium. Also a few random thoughts:

Tyler,
hey man your post was incredible. If I was going to be in Torrey I would attempt a violent, bloody coup to usurp JMNR and put you on his (or as torrey students would say, His) throne. Your comments were inspiring, convicting and thought provoking. One of those thoughts was were do we cross the line between content and complacent? It's really easy for me, especially back at home, to simply slip into the same routines and habits I had growing up. But nobody wants that. We want to strive to improve, excel, and grow. But it's very difficult to accomplish this and remain satisfied and content day to day. thoughts?

The G,
How is the good family Anderson in the OK? Are they hanging out with Eddie Sutton yet? Has Jon Lucas III made any passes at the muff? What's the deal with the Dodgers job? Also, seeing as you how you are to the ladies as Nate is to weird shit how are you planning on the Jill not getting jealous when Mrs. Boone is trying to hop on board?

Dru,
What's the DL with Quinton Pondexter, new Husky BBall recruit out of Fresno? Am I excited? Am I sad? Should I lock all of the innocent freshman at the UW away when he comes? San Ramon Valley High Wolves update? Why haven't I seen any humurous posts today regarding the world's largest foreskin in Sandusky, Ohio? Or pictures of George W. running crossing routes in the Superdome? You are our Cal Ripken, we need you. Oh yeah, PRE JESUS RANDY!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Jawed,
What GAV's have you been playing recently? I've been attempting to regain my old form on the Megan Man Anthology. I can't believe we used to kick ass at games like that as kids cuz it's hard as hell!!

The Nate,
Now that I have some time I need a list of ten CD's to listen to and 10 books to read. Post haste!!!!!

Brady,
Please don't hurt me.

As for myself I was thinking today about how much more I pay attention to stuff going on around me with the intent of finding material to blog. This struck me as funny. Do we connect more with the world around us if we have people to share it with? Am I incapable of enjoying and appreciating life purely on its own merits? Do I need to be able to talk and debate and philosophise with you guys and Mandy to even notice? Does that make me the classic example of Tyler's Pasquel post? And when in the hell is Cody coming up for air long enough to get the internet? And has anyone heard from Paul? I leave with the knowledge that I'm 20 pages into Blue Like Jazz and it is rocking my world every second. Walk on people!!

Fair trade?

Okay here goes. Let us sit down a dialogue on fair trade for a little while. In order to understand fair trade you must both understand what the fair trade means for the farmer and consumer but you must also understand the nature of commodities. So sit down Drew and let me outline a little something that you should have picked up in Steve Rundle’s class, if you went to it (despite the fact he is a Keynesian economist).

Let us talk about market price. Market price is reached when the consumer’s demand meets the producer’s supply of a specific item (i.e. widget). Let’s look at the supply and demand graph to understand this. Demand is a downward curve as quantity (x axis) increases because as the quantity of widgets increase in the market place the demand for them decreases. Supply is an upward curve as price increases (y axis) because, as the market price of widgets increase, producers have the incentive to produce more widgets and therefore the supply of widgets increase.

If price increases above the market price (the price in which the demand and supply meet) then you wind up with over supply which in turn lowers the market price of widgets. So if Pe (market price) increases to Ps then the supply will increase from Qe to Qs. As supply increases from Qe to Qs the demand is reduced and the Market price falls to Pd (new market price based upon lessened demand).

Commodities by their very nature are very efficient in reaching and accurate market price. On a daily basis commodity traders with a supply meet with commodity traders with a demand. When a market price is met – reflecting their mutual interest in the supplying trader’s need for money and the demanding trader’s need for the commodity – the commodity is sold. One thing that makes commodities so efficient is that the commodity lacks uniqueness producer to producer. That is to say that a particular orange is not worth more money because it is produced at farmer Elbrecht’s ranch instead of Farmer Martin’s ranch (lucky for farmer Martin). Oil is not worth more money because it comes from Canada instead of Uzbekistan. Wheat is not worth more money if it comes from a corporate farm in Montana instead of a family owned farm in North Dakota. The exception to this is different grades of a commodity (coffee from Columbia is considered a different grade than Vietnam coffee because the climate in which it is grown gives different qualities of taste).

With that said let’s understand what a commodity certified as fair trade is. Though the requirements differ depending upon which fair trade organization certifies the product the basic idea is the same. Basically fair trade means that the organization has ensured the individual who produced the commodity has been paid a specified amount deemed as a living wage (this amount depends upon the organization and the commodity in question). In addition to this many fair trade organizations require that the working conditions for the individual producing the commodity meet certain minimums. These requirements depend upon the fair trade organization and commodity in question.

Two things cause a big problem with fair trade. First, is the requirement that some fair trade organizations have make it to cost prohibitive for the individuals to meet (i.e. whatever is gained in the extra price paid for the commodity is lost in complying with the fair trade). But more troublesome than that is a higher market price will exacerbate the problem that already exists. If we say the problem is the individual producer is not being paid enough then the last thing – counterintuitive as it may be – is to simply pay more for the commodity. Paying more for the commodity gives the individual producer an incentive to produce more of that commodity. The increased supply of the commodity drives the demand down even further and in turn causes the market price to fall below it was prior to the price increase.

Coffee is a good example of what happens with an over supply. In the 80’s there was a coffee cartel which controlled coffee prices. In 1989 the coffee cartel came to an end and coffee prices were left to float in the open market and be determined by a meeting of the supply and demand of the coffee. At that time the price of coffee was near $2.40. For a while coffee prices stayed fairly stable. At that time Vietnam produced a negligible amount of coffee. In the 10 years between 1990 and 2000 Vietnam’s production of coffee has increased from near 90,000 tons a year to nearly 1 million tons a year. The price of coffee has steadily moved inversely to the production of coffee in Vietnam. The only exception to the market price was in 1997 when bad weather ruined much of the years coffee crops causing a temporary seasonal spike in prices. This increased production is troublesome when you also take into account that the United States consumption of coffee has steadily fallen since 1940.

Now what do you think would happen if you were to go to a Vietnamese coffee grower and tell him simply complying with the fair trade practices will net him more per lb for coffee than he can get selling to the market. Do you think he will limit his coffee production? Do you think that will solve the real problem that is keeping the coffee prices low?

Fair trade does not add value into the final product to the consumer. Why should the consumer be expected to pay for a product that is fair trade? The value added to a fair trade product is simply a marketing value. You pay more because it makes you feel good about giving more money to the farmer. In your consumer decision you have decided consciously or unconsciously that to have a warm fuzzy feeling in your stomach is worth an extra $2 for coffee (the coffee that is not fair trade is the same quality bean but alas no warm fuzzy).

I would like to take a minute to respond to Andrew Martin’s post on fair trade.

There are people in this world who live in poverty, and attempt to make their living through farming, but find themselves at an extreme disadvantage in the conventional trading system.

The disadvantage farmers find themselves in is that they have to rely upon commodity farming which has never been a very reliable way of sustaining an economy.

To me Fair Trade is all about giving a hand to people. It is about giving people opportunities to better their situation. Fair Trade organizations work to help people get better lives through creating fair wages, gender equality, safe and healthy working conditions, and equal and affordable access to medicines.

I’m glad that is what fair trade is “for you” (if that even makes sense). What it is for me is a way for those who haven’t studied successful developing nations to feel good about them selves with a simple short term solution. I am all for a living wage, I’m all for gender equality, safe and healthy working conditions and equal and affordable access to medicines. Let us follow a path in which wealth can be created by the individual and sustained. Healthy working conditions, gender equality and equal access to medicines are rights that the government is responsible for protecting (usually a problem in these struggling countries). Affordable medicines are a function of the wealth an individual is able to create and retain. A living wage is a function of the value of what is produced. Despite all my good intentions I will never be able to create a living wage for myself off of whale oil seeing as how the demand for it is nil after the electric light bulb replaced the oil lamp.

Now, is this Marxist at it’s core? Basically.

Cute. Actually no it is not Marxist at its core. At it’s core this idea is at best a lazy idealism but is more likely just a lazy utopianism. Not that I’m opposed to Utopia I just think Dennis Prager said it best. “Although images of perfection in people's personal lives can cause unhappiness, images of perfect societies (utopian images) can cause monstrous evil. In fact, forcefully changing society to conform to societal images was the greatest cause of evil in the twentieth century.” Who died to prove Marxism wrong….. somewhere about 10 million Russians. Lucky for you free trade is just a bad Utopian idea.

Do people in the Congo and in Mozambique and in Honduras and in Haiti just trying to survive give a shit about this moral defense?

The real issue is not whether those in the Congo, Mozambique, Honduras and Haiti care about the moral defense (which they may). The real issue is should those people be given an opportunity to better their situation in a sustainable way through the creation of individual wealth. Yes. Yes I believe they give a considerable shit about that.

Apologies

I apologize for the light blogging day. I have definitely been playing with my new cell phone all morning along. I finally ditched my black and white old school suckass Nokia and joined the rest of civilization.

My new phone:

The real deal

Fellas that is the real nate. That one there in the picture.

Nate's other secretive careers....

Fashion model... yes, but please dont forget:

Actor/Pin-up:

and world class rockstar

Oh the tangled webs we weave.....

So I was minding my own business today, attempting to innocently check my email and I discovered the secret life of one of our own bloggers. Ladies and Gentleman, Nate Elbrecht: Mechanic, World Traveler, Ass, Businessman, Cattle Herder.......fashion model??

My sincerest apologies

to the G, for accidentally deleting his entire post entitled "I hate Jamie Moyer" when I went to edit out his special olympics reference. I was going to leave in his references to "rubbing a cat from butt to head" and being "rawdogged by a fire hydrant", but technical difficulties killed the whole thing.

For future reference, special olympics comments will most likely get our blog shut down, or at the very least, land you in a special part of hell. no pun intended, by the way.

mea culpa

I hates me them hippies.....

I have a confession. Never fear I bring no more stories of deep emotional pain to the table, for now. But the humurous comments by Mr. Chris Martin recently brought to light the fact that I know nothing about the free trade argument. I know that most of us are educated and up to date on world issues but Garrett and I don't pay attention to jack shit so I have a proposition. Nate, Dru, you both spend too much time reading world news. Dru is a pot smoking, rainbow wearing fruit and Nate is a NRA card carrier as well as a farmer. Therefore I propose that you both inform me by posting an argument for and against the concept of free trade. Then I will understand and can quit being the guy in the room who laughes at jokes just to fit in. To arms boyos!!!!!

Conversation

The following conversation took place on Instant Messenger today, regarding Tyler's commentary here in the Unknown:

Me: Did you read Tyler's post?
Bishop: Yeah
Me: I think the Unknown just went to a whole new level.
Bishop: Yeah. Oh, nice Elk post, by the way.
Me: Fuck off.

that is a big ass elk

Wow. Sometimes I see God's Creation, and it just takes my breath away, how cool it all is.

Other times, I feel like stalking it and killing it with a bow and arrow.

Texas bowhunter Lacy Harber killed the wapiti of a lifetime on a recent hunt in New Mexico. The 7-by-6 elk weighed an estimated 1,100 pounds and may be the top archery non-typical bull ever taken there.

The Unhappy Unknown: Greener Grass in Washington?

IS the grass greener in Washington? I have been prompted by my brother-in-law to publish a post on happiness, contentment, and satisfaction, though I am clearly not an expert in the area. Liz and I just returned to the OC from Green Washington, and the home of our beloved Unknown. Nathan, you should know that a certian depression set in after our trip, as we were quite certain that the trip had gone by altogether too quickly and our dear friends Nathan, Mandy, and Ashley were now hundreds of miles away. Jared, Dru, Justin, Cody, Nate, Garrett, Paul, and Brady, you gentlemen should know that the trip would have been a hundred times more powerful had you been there as well. I was moved being in the original place of our birth, Port Orchard, and recalling thoughts of how amazing that weekend really was. In doing so, I am reminded of what Dostoyevski has said,

"Gentlemen, we shall soon be parted...soon I am going to leave this town, possibly for a very long time. And then, gentlemen, we shall be parted. And even though we may be occupied with the most important matters, attain honours or fall into some great misfortune--all the same let us never forget how good we found it here, all of us in association, united by such good and happy feeling, which for this time of our love for the poor boy has possibly made us better than we are in actual fact."

Nathan, know that our love for you, the poor boy, and each other, truly makes us greater than we are alone. That is what makes the F'ing Unknown what it is today. Pascal says the following, concerning the present:

"We never keep ourselves to the present moment. We look forward to the future as too slow in coming, as if to hasten its arrival, or we remember thepast to hold it up as if it had happened too quickly. We are so undiscerning that we stray into times which are not our own and do not think of the only one that is truly ours, and so vain that we dream about those which no longer exist and allow the present to escape without thinking about it. This is because the present usually hurts us. We hide it from sight because it wounds us, and if it is pleasant then we are sorry to see it pass. We try to buttress it with the future, and think of arranging things which are not in our power for a time we cannot be at all sure of attaining. Everyone should study their thoughts. They will find them all centered on the past or the future. We almost never think of the present, and if we do it is simply to shed some light on the future. The present is never our end. Past and present are our means, only the future is our end. And so we never actually live, though we hope to, and in constantly striving for happiness it is inevitable that we will never achieve it...I have often said that man's unhappiness springs from one thing alone, his incapacity to stay quietly in one room. If a man had enough to live on and if he knew how to stay happily at home, then he would not leave to go to sea, or besiege a town. You only go out of your way to find conversation or card games if you cannot remain happily at home...That is why gaming and the conversation of women, war, and great offices of state are so sought after. It is not that happiness lies in such things, nor that we suppose that true beatitude comes from the money we can win at the gaming table or hunting the hare...We are not looking for this soft, peaceful existence which allows us to think about our unfortunate condition, nor the dangers of war or the burden of office, but the bustle which distracts and amuses us--The reaons why we prefer the hunt to the kill. That is why we like noise and activity so much. That is why imprisonment is such a horrific punishment. That is why the pleasure of being alone is incomprehensible. That is, in fact, the main joy of the condition of kingship, because people are constantly trying to amuse kings and provide them with all sorts of distraction.--The King is surrounded by people whose only thought is to entertain him and prevent him from thinking about himself. King though he may be, he is unhappy if he thinks about it...They sincerely think they are seeking peace and quiet, whereas they are really seeking agitation. They have a secret instinct which leads them to look for distractions and occupations elsewhere, which derives from their feelings of constant wretchedness. And they have another secret instinct, remaining from the greatness of our original nature, which tells them that happiness lies only in repose, not frantic activity. From these two opposite instincts arises a confused plan, hidden from sight in the depths of their soul, which leads them to seek repose through activity, and always to imagine that the satisfaction they do not presently enjoy will be achieved if, some obvious difficulties have been overcome, and they can thereby open the door to peace."

I am the first to admit that I am constantly looking towards the past or the future, to attain satisfaction. My thoughts have included, "If I could only sing for L.A. Opera, then things would be great, and I would be happy." The truth is that now I will sing for L.A. Opera. And yes, Jared, the PD will be my boss. But, am I really happy as a result? The answer is no. I now fill my thoughts with, "Well, if I could only sing a solo part for L.A. Opera, then I would be happy." The process never stops, and unless we are able to appreciate the journey, and find, as Odysseus did, that the end is actually in the process, we will continue in this cycle for our entire existence. The funny thing is: I actually envy our friends Mandy and Nathan, as they have escaped the rat race of Southern California to find the repose of Green Washington. And, I mistakenly believe, as we all do, that the grass is truly greener on the other side.

Number crunching

If you really like baseball statistics, and I do... then you should read THIS fascinating article!

I am posting this in honor of my fantasy second baseman. 2 months ago I faced a tough decision, since I already had Pujols/Ortiz, ARod, Manny, Andruw, and Cabrera holding down my Power department... I made the strategic decision to go with Placido Polanco at second base over Chase Utley and a recently available Brian Roberts for a little boost in the average department, and thus Nate Bishop's second place fate was sealed.

I am a visual person

and I haven't seen a picture in a good long while.

So without further ado, in the words of Brad Pitt in Fight Club:
"Is that what a real man looks like?"

Jose is the freakin man.

There's that....and there's that.

If any of you have seen this before I apologize but if you haven't get ready to laugh harder than you have since Dru got that douche from Masters to try to fight him BEFORE the game. Enjoy!

Tears Stream Down Your Face.....

Let me just echo the sentiments of Dru, Jared and others when I say that I do love me the funny, but I also love me the real. Now when the real is funny.... well then you get Nate Elbrecht. Anyways with that said I wanted to just share the current state of the Bishop family:
Mandy and I are lonely. We live in a community of about 25,000 people. Approximately 24,500 are either in high school or older than us with kids. The other 500 work at the Puget Sound Naval Shipyard and can can't count past five. Which, coincidently, happens to be the number of teeth they have and the number of out of wedlock children they have fostered. We also have faced some serious financial struggles since the move. There have been times when we honestly didn't know where the next days food or gas was coming from. As a husband who is responsible for providing for his wife I have spent many mornings and nights wondering if I made the right decision to move up here. All this difficulty combined with what seems to be an enormous amount of bad news around the world has left me feeling empty and void. I think that the emptiness is my only safety mechanism left from feeling the pain that's there. I was thinking today while driving in the car if a person was put in complete isolation for a week, all distraction was removed and we eventually had to experience the emotion that was hiding beneath all the bullshit that we construct every day, what would it be? Would we laugh? cry? scream in anger? I know that whenever I try to take time and simply feel the quickness which tears force their way to my eyes is alarming. The heart breaks ya know? Well this led up to this morning again when I was driving. See, I do a lot of driving in the car for my job. Almost always alone so I get a lot of time to think. Well most of the time I choose to not think and I listen to talk radio. Specifically sportsradio. Well, as you may or may not have known the Seattle sports scene is not doing a very good job providing me with its usual morphine-esque escape. All of my teams suck, and there is very little hope for any of them getting better in the near future. So I tried listening to real talk radio. Sometimes this gets by in a pinch when the sports guys are talking golf or NHL or something but today my backup plan failed. I was not finding our population's lack of faith in government to be very interesting. So I switched to my last hope, music. I don't like listening to music all the time because I can't tune it out. When I hear music I have to pay attention. Even if it's alt-country. The CD I was listening to was Coldplay's X & Y (Top 40 sorry Dru) which is one of the best Albums of the year. Well the music was so beautiful and the lyrics so poetic that I cranked up the volume and started to rock out right there on the drive. It was like an infusion of emotion swept over my soul. Like a fog being lifted I was experiencing all the pain and sorrow I bottle up with sports and wiseass humour. Low and behold when Chris Martin was singing about tears streaming down your face there were literally tears streaming down my face. I liberally confess that I know very little about Coldplay beyond their music. I don't know if what the intent was behind the song or what they believe personally. But right then, when the music was loud and the tears were flowing I felt like Leutenant Dan from Forrest Gump, sitting on the boat screaming at God to do his worst. All of my anger and hurt was right there and I couldn't push it away. I don't know what that means but I do know that it's the first time I've been able to really cry in a long, long time.
So there, I hope that this can communicate the current state of Bishop. We are lonely, and we are sad. But we are not forlorn and we love you all. This blog has already been the best thing to happen since forever. Peace out.

They were cowboys. Cowboys of a different kind

As if that isn't enough

Have a great afternoon

well fellas, its official

I believe I will be turning down my first invite to MLB scout school. There are too many things that are going on and it is pulling teeth to go and spend 1200. I am extremely bummed, but that is ok, because I hope and pray it wont be my last chance.
Nate B. I can feel your size 12 teva headed in the direction of my testicle and I can feel the pain already, eventhough they are drained after last night's shower.
Tyler, I love your dad and the real reason I am not going is because he is not going to be teaching there this year.
Drew, yes I will be a huge tedford fan for a weekend as long as he gets on his knees when he should (you know what I mean)
for the rest of you, I love you and I am sorry I had to bore you with my career update.
oh and by the way, just to make you guys jealous a little bit, not only do I work at a stadium, but I am leaving today at 11:45 am to go to the lucky strike lanes for a company outing that will be paid. I love you guys and did I mentio there will be free alcohol at this thing. talk to you soon.

A long time ago...

...In a park far far away (after all, it was Port "f'ing unknown" Orchard) a lonely wilderness "ranger" (for lack of a better term) stumbled in the pathway of a band of brothers so fierce, so complex, that even her kind was able to feel the sheer presence of manliness. Her kind, you ask? Yes, her kind. This wilderness ranger (henceforth referred to as The WD) had no idea the treasure she had fallen upon and instead insisted upon competing with this fleet in a testing of wills. After this portrayal of brute force, some brave, smart soul bursted out "How many warnings do we get before we get kicked out of this place?" Perhaps not the wisest question in the given situation, but we will give our Godfather the "I am so vast" award for the day. To which The WD replied, "I don't really know, but does some one smell Febreeze?" I'm not really sure what she meant by that, but it's beside the point. The point is this, my friends: With these great minds together on one blog, there is no telling how the world can and will be changed. I appreciate the invite to the blog, although, I don't believe I deserve it. Well, strike that, I was one of two men with enough mastery of the male hormones to follow our Godfather into what has since been coined the F'ing Unknown. Yes, I was there. I beheld it's vastness with my own two eyes. And, I am forever changed. Yet, I digress. My challenge to you fine men is this: Blog, blog as though you know what you are saying. Take our Godfather, for instance: He published a post entitled "Why we exist?" Now, do any of us really believe that the Godfather knows why we exist? Or, do any of us even believe that the Godfather can engage in a conversation about why we exist? I know I don't. But the point is he posted it. Let me give you an example. I'd say that Sting is really one of my heroes. I don't really listen to his music, but the fact that he's out there making it...I respect that. It's the same thing with our Godfather. So, let's follow his brave lead (as only two of us did on that fateful night) and get some legitimate posts out there. (By the way, being that Justin was one of the other members of the original Unknown Crew, I fully support his complete membership and involvement in this project!) /In conclusion, I'll second the Godfather's call for real posts on real computers by real people with real problems in real places. These kinds of things must be spoken of: Garrett: Getting married soon? Nervous? Tell us! Cody: Long day in the clinic? Crazy marital hijinks that may help the other newlyweds? Tell us! Elbrecht: Wood issues? Trailer get crashed again? Cows running wild? Tell us! Justin: Screenplay! Now! Dammit! You get the idea. Well, I'm not sure about Elbrecht's Wood Issues. But, you know what I'm saying. And that's it, I'm done. I'm too tired...I'm too hurt and angered to go on. And, let's be honest, I'm talking to my self here too guys. You think this post means anything. Think again. Thompson, Out.

a peek into the life of The G

alright fellas, here goes nothing... Drew wanted to hear about what is going on in our lives, well here we go...
As you all know I am engaged.. no I dont think you heard me right, I am f-ing engaged! To the coolest girl of all time! I saw her last night (she came over to watch Laguna Beach after class). Dudes, I have to tell you. This broad is so f-ing gorgeous, I could not even handle it. She is amazing and I do love her tons. I cannot wait to marry her ass. Not only for the nookie, because I can honestly say that is not even close to the top reasons why I cant wait to marry her. We have talked seriously and jokingly about just going to vegas and getting it over with. but I am an intern and I will make a grand total of 10 grand this year. totally worth the hours I put in. anyway, that is not enough to start a marriage. and If we went to vegas my mom would cry and so would you guys, because that would mean you would miss out on getting me back and drinking yourself silly at my expense!
work wise: I just got offered a slot at scout school and I dont think I can go, because I cant afford it! are you kidding me? come on now. anyway, I will revisit this because I have to call my boss right now and ask for the days off and see if he will sponsor me.
I love you guys, and I LOVE JILL-Do. I will talk to you soon

Grab Two Beers And Meet Me In the F'ing Unknown

Friday, September 30, 2005