Grab Two Beers And Meet Me In the F'ing Unknown: November 2005

Once in a lifetime...

All I wanna know is....

Who's coming with me

Update

so I havent really posted an update on my life, recently, which is mostly due to the fact that I am pretty boring.

My Thanksgiving was spent in Oregon, where it was bitterly, bitterly cold and rainy. I literally did nothing, outside of the feast. The rest of the time I sat on the couch and read Louis L'amour paperback westerns that I bought in the Sacramento airport, and watched college basketball (bweaks on espn).

I also helped my dad move my grandpa's organ which weighed about 7 million pounds (and garrett, i am referring to an ACTUAL organ, like a pipe organ, so get your mind out of the gutter). Anyways, luckily for me I have been working out.

So high school basketball season is finally here, and for that I give much thanks (hey, i live in a small town, deal with it).

Oh and speaking of basketball, I have started playing again. Well, easing my way back into it, slowly. Except I was killing from deep last night, so once I am actually able to sprint without passing out or throwing up, I should be good to go.

I talked to Brady online today and that was nice. We might go to Beirut in June.

I will be starting a new job on Jan 1. Some of you know about this, if you dont, drop me an email.

I still like Chuck Norris.

I have been listening to a lot of the Arcade Fire recently, and if you havent, you should.

I want to see Walk the Line again.

Our fantasy basketball season started JUST in time for Michael Redd to get hurt and not score me any points after I aquired him in a brilliant transaction that should be recorded in the history books for posteritys sake. I crunch numbers, what can I say?

The Warriors are good. I dont care what anyone says.

I haven't got nearly enough sleep since Bishop shamed me into getting a Tivo.

And thats pretty much it for me.

Miyagi

If you enjoyed Jared's Pat Morita tribute post yesterday (RIP Miyagi-san), then THIS is for you.

If you were indifferent towards it, dont click the link. Seriously. Dont.

did you see it?

did you happen to see Nate Robinson's dunk last night? go check it out on NBA.com, so great. oh any by the way, he is only 5'9"/5'2"!!

Sit down for this

This is probably the most important website i have ever posted.

Although what they listed as #'s 1, 2 and 3, should be re-arranged to read 2, 3, 1 and that is final.

And I dont think I can describe how good it is to see Randolph Childress and Dujaun Wheat's name in print again...

I'm just so happy.....

"Something cold and soft was on her. A moment later she realized that she was standing in the middle of a wood at night-time with snow under her feet and snowflakes falling through the air......She began to walk forward, crunch-crunch over the snow and through the wood toward the other light. In about ten minutes she reached it and found it was a lamp-post."
-The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe

any good stories?

I need to hear thanksgiving stories. All I did was golf, I went both friday and saturday (80, 91). I shot a 91 just two rounds removed from my 78, I dont know how this happened but I sucked. and it was cold. Tell me better stories.

Stick this up your 300 and smoke it...

Again, there are no words.

and let us not forget the greatest pick up line of all time, as immortalized in the court transcripts of the criminal case agains the Atlanta Gold (gentlemans) Club... which is widely considered (or at least by one member of this blog whose name does not rhyme with Ferret Sanderson) to be the "Pelican" of the East Coast.

PREPARE YOURSELF

Every blog member will have to account for their actions in the year 2005. As soon as the clock strikes 2006 you will have to start composing your year in review. If the YIR isn't completed and posted by January than two things will happen. #1 I will personally come beat your ass. #2 You will be deleted from this blog forevermore. I am giving you all a month to put your thoughts together.

So be it

Happy Turkey Day

After yet another year of not being invited to West Plains for the holidays, I am off to sunny southern oregon to catch some rays and eat some turkey and shoot things for the rest of the week. I love me the smell of pine trees in the cold morning air.

What are your plans?

Reggie Bush is not that fast

I saw this on Simmons site, and thought it was brilliant, high school sprinter Reggie Bush getting taken down by the Great White Hope, Matt Bruno.

"I bet Reggie Bush obsesses over this race, cursing at that photo every morning before making the daily phone call:

Reggie: "Bruno, I know you're there! You can't ignore me forever! It's time you man up and give me another race, dammit!"

Matt: (readjusting the framed photo) "I choose not to run."

I love golf.

because of this!

Blog?

Jared, why is our blog template jacked up? Were you playing with the HTML again? What did I tell you about playing with your HTML? Is this where you want to be when Jesus comes back??? Playing with your HTML????

Of football, family, and other worlds....

I sincerely hope that you all (yes Jared, even you) had a chance to watch some football this week. There are few days as awesome during the calendar year than rivalry Saturday in college football. Where to begin? The Civil War was played in a fog so dense that you literally couldn't even see the field. At least Oregon State couldn't, final score: OU 89, OSU 1. Ohio State and Michigan added another chapter in their storied rivalry with a 25-21 OSU squeaker. USC haters were once again teased with the idea of a Trojan loss before Reggie Bush decided he would have the greatest game in the history of college football and single handedly beat Fresno State (who seriously looks pissed when they play by the way, probably because they live in the worst place on earth). We also have to mention that the 98th Apple Cup was won by the Washington State Cougars solely due to the fact that the Huskies are AAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUULLLLLL and Isaiah Stanback went Joe Ayoob on the Huskies. However, the indisputable zenith of rivalry week had to be The Big Game. I cannot properly express in words how frustrated I was to see that this was the week that Jeff Tedford (aka The Football Jesus) decided to finally start his backup fullback at QB and watch as he completed more passes in the first 35 seconds of the game than Ayoob did all of last week. I hate you Joe Ayoob, but I do feel bad for you.
I guess the main purpose of this post is to give everyone a shout before Mandy and I hop a plane for Cacti, shorts and Turkey. I'll be back on Saturday. You all have a great thanksgiving, be safe and know that Mandy and I talk about you guys a lot and miss you greatly (especially you Paul, especially by Mandy).
In other news:

I seriously had goose bumps during about 85% of this flick. Go see it, immediately. I can't remember the last time I saw a movie and wanted to see it again as soon as it ended. Voldemort is back bitches!!!!!

Its just not fair

Has anyone happened to check their fantasy basketball teams?
I was just wondering if anyone happened to stumble across my squad. Its not fair that I got ALL of the good players in the league. I dont know how it happened. It seems as though I might have the best team, by far! Just wondering.

Incredible

In other news...

I once peed six inches from this man...

Five Hours of Wagner

Last night I stood 6 inches away from this man...

By the way, I was wearing a shirt that said,

"I'm really excited to be here".

Since everybody appears to be shy...

allow me to break the ice by posting.

So I am sure everybody is giddy with excitement in anticipation of The Big Game.

Since the recent revelation that back-up QB Joe Ayoob isnt good at all, Coach Tedford has decided to start fullback Steve Levy at quarterback tomorrow. I am sure much hilarity will ensue.

Yesterday's Chronicle had the following quote, from Ayoob's own mouth: "Three smiling, giggling girls called me over to their bench outside Sproul Plaza earlier this afternoon. 'Are you the quarterback?' they asked. I tried to smile shyly. 'Why yes I am." I answered. "Wow, you really suck!" one said while the other two burst into laughter. I turned around and went to class."

While I am on the subject of The Big Game, I was wearing my Big Game t-shirt the other day in Starbucks, when a girl walked up to me and the following conversation happened:

Her: "Oh are you going to the Big Game?"
Me: "Yes."
Her: "Oh cool. My grandpa went to Stanford and my grandma went to Cal."
Me: "Wow. That's crazy. Are they excited about the game?"
Her: "Well, my grandpa's dead, and my grandma has alzheimers."
Awkward pause
Me: "So, thats a no?"

Anyways, thats my post for the day. As always, go bears, and I hope Fresno kicks the living shit out of USC.

As a reward for reading this far, I am pretty sure we can thank Veronica Corningstone for THIS. (SHE READ MY NEWS!!!! YOU... SCORPION WOMAN!)
Thanks for stopping by, San Diego.

In other news...

THIS was spotted slowly cruising around selected rural Kentucky neighborhoods with a purple dirt bike strapped to the back, license plate SAMIAM.

(that may i have been in slightly bad taste... i am not known for being a good judge of these things...)

The perfect girl for nate and other stories...

I figure most of you aren't avid followers of Bill Simmons daily sports links, so I figured I would screen out the gems and pass them on to you.

First off, We have found the PERFECT GIRL for Nate E. Highlights include her desire to "travel the world" and also the fact that she "believes in herself". Luckily for her, Nate isnt shallow at all and loves girls for their minds and personalities... and therefore will be willing to overlook her physical appearance.

To those of you who, like me, are bored at work, here is an entertaining story about crazy hijinks and lindsay lohan. If its on the internet, it must be true.

Oh just in case you didn't hate NBA players in general enough, now you do.

Well I went ahead and made everyone's day better. Hey, it's just what I do.

You're welcome.

Required reading...

For those of you that enjoy famous people talking I highly recommend this. The highlight of course being Pat Robertson saying "Como Esta Bitches!!" On another note, Dick Vitale just revealed his preseason top 5. Highlighted by Texas at 2 and Duke at 1, to which I say, Dicky that's Ballsy with a capitol B!!!! Last but not least the obligatory inflammatory political pic:

school pride (with photos)

I came back from my trip up north with some thoughts, What are some of the best and worst things people do to cheer on their team? I made a list of the worst.

5: The chop (The Braves and FSU seminoles): I actually used to really like this one because I like the braves for whatever reason, I think it was because I did a state report in 5th grade on Georgia and I fell in love with the Atlanta teams, but only for a short while.

4: Hook em Horns (Texas Longhorns): this one is OK, not that great but if G-Dub can do it so can I!

3: Sic Em Bears (baylor bears): this one is kinda lame, they just shake their "claw/hand" and slash it downward, kinda gay, but whatever go BU!

2: the FLORIDA GATOR CHOMP (Florida Gators): This is NOT the bear chomp, this is the Gator chomp and I have no clue why anyone would think that is even slightly resembles a bear bite. It belongs to Florida and that is the end of it, IT IS NOT THE BEAR CHOMP!!!

1: This one will have no debate- the USC V- for victory (USC Trojans): this is just gay and WAY overplayed/used! I am over it and it is so boring and lame. you are just sticking your fingers in the air like the universal sign for....nevermind I cant say it. (I did have something written here and I edited myself)

File this bad boy in the "bank" for later

Because words fail me right now...

Most Valuable Post (MVP)

alright, here are my thoughts and ideas on this years MVPs for both the NL and AL.

they were both the right choice! Here is my argument for that.

A-Rod- I am sorry bishop, I know he is a douche but he is a douche that can rake. He had better numbers than Ortiz AND he played D. I am sick of the "why cant a DH win the MVP?, you only voted for arod because he played D, ortiz was a way better player this year eventhough he looks like the missing link" thoughts. Here is the deal. the only numbers that were better on ortiz's side was his RBI and his "clutch hits". ok that is cool, and he was very clutch! there is no denying that, but arod had him beat in the rest of the stats. PLUS he plays amazing Defense. he did not win because he plays D, he won because he raked (more so than ortiz) PLUS he had an amazing year in the field. and because the writers are racist.

Pujols: This guy is/will be the best player to play the game. He normally is horrible at D, but stepped it up this year. He is the best hitter in the game and he had amazing stats (.330 avg, led the mlb in runs scored to name a few). Andruw jones had a great year(94 HR but a Lance P-esc .230 avg.) and had to over come playing with a bunches of kids, BUT albert had to deal with injuries (key injuries) to his team. I am happy for him. and he is only 24 years old (35 in latino years).

I am intersted to hear what your thoughts are on this topic.

odds and ends

This is a serious link I meant to share with you all yesterday... and it should cause some serious re-evaluation of our musical choices.

Also THIS ARTICLE which gives some perspective on Joe Ayoob. I think we forget he is just a kid. A kid who really sucks at football.

A New Era Begins in Berkeley

and it is the Omar Wilkes era.

The Bears welcome this very talented and freakishly athletic midwestern transfer to take a little pressure off the shoulders Oakland's second favorite son, Ayinde Ubaka.

I am calling it right now, if the Bears can get THIS very large man (and Oakland's first favorite son) healthy,

and this very, very skinny man healthy,

Plus an angry, British ex-rugby star...

who dropped 25 lbs and thus probably will not knocking as many peoples teeth out, but he is elevating as if he is the second coming of Randy Duck,

They are going to do some serious post season damage.

ROLL ON YOU BEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARS!!!

He's gonna do one.......

I'll keep this succinct.

Friday:

7:30 PM - I arrive in Oakland International. Within 30 seconds of stepping off the plane I see My All Organic Black Muslim Bakery and feel like I never left the PO.

7:45 PM - After wondering aimlessly around the curb for 10 minutes I see Dru flashing me gang signs to cross the street and join him at his super secret Hispanic parking lot.

8:00 PM - Since Garrett had the best travel plans known to man (more on this later) and wouldn't get in till 11:00 Dru and I decided to hop on board the Baron Davis Magical Mystery Tour and take in a Golden State - New York game.

8:01 PM - Dru parks at the stadium. The fee is extremely reasonable.

8:10 PM - We walk up to our seats. During the trip I am constantly reminded as to how similar the racial construction of Oakland and Port Orchard are. It's like a freakin' carbon copy.

9:00 PM - Halftime comes, at which point the official in house Golden State Warrior Band, STAR, takes center stage. I turn to Dru to point out the ridiculousness of this but he has a look on his face that says "If you say anything I will tell everybody here you are Bill O'Reily's son" so I stay quiet.

9:05 PM - We get some snacks. During the wait in line some rapscallions try to cut in front of Dru, Dru turns, shows them ginormeous biceps No. 1 and 2, and the youth are quelled.

9:15 PM - Nate Robinson enters the game. My heart skips a beat.

9:16 PM - Nate Robinson exits the game. I hate the Knicks.

11:00 PM - We pick up the G. He immediately tells us four There Once Was a Man From Nantucket Jokes. Hilarity ensues.

11:15 PM - Dru notices that both Garret and I showed up at the biggest Cal game of the year wearing the hated Cardinal color of Stanford. After numerous threats of pain the G and I switch to neutral gang colors.

12:15 AM - A trip to the gloriousness that is In N Out Burger. As we sit down we are treated to some interesting interaction amongst the San Ramon youth. Strange competitions for dominance amongst the males and odd siren songs by the females. Dru does not seem to notice.

1:45 AM - Dru pretends to go to bed but then comes back out to "Slumber Party" with me and the G.

1:46 AM - Garrett falls asleep. Thus setting the precedent for the entire weekend.

Saturday:

7:30 AM - We awake as Dru leaves for his meeting at church. The minute the door closes Garrett changes Dru's homepage to an unprintable website.

8:00 AM - The G and I step into the Danville equivalent of Jimmy D's for breakfast and are astonished to find that scrambled eggs run at $15.95. We decide on toast and coffee, pay our 25 dollars and leave.

9:00 AM - Paul arrives. I have a sudden urge to drink which I am only temporarily able to contain.

10:00 AM - As we prepare to leave Dru presents us all with brand new Cal Bear T Shirts. Except for Paul to whom Dru gives a shirt that smells like Gabe Strong's feet.

10:25 AM - We hop aboard the Bear Express to the Stadium. I pee myself with anticipation.

10:30 AM - Paul and I notice that directly in front of us is a head that looks like a ballsack and a gentleman wearing a Cal hat that fit his head like a bikini on a fat girl.

10:45 AM - the Bear "Express" sits still for so long that previously mentioned hat boy has time to run off the bus, take a wiz at a friends house, and return to the bus.

11:00 AM - Not wanting to miss the first half of the game we get off the bus and walk the rest of the way.

11:20 AM - We arrive at Memorial Stadium. It is both clean and recently renovated.

11:30 AM - We sit down. Being serious for a second it has been a long time since I've been to a D-1 College Football game. Everything about the place, players warming up, buzz, bands, everything was special. I got a little emotional just being there.

12:30 PM - Kick Off.

12:35 PM - Paul realizes that we're at a football game.

12:40 PM - Joe Ayoob throws his first pass. Game over.

1:00 PM - I realize for the first time the complete awfulness that is USC. Their fans are the most arrogant, ignorant rich bitches around. Their like Angel fans. Strange coincidence eh?

1:15 PM - Garret pulls off his Bear t-shirt revealing an I Heart Leinhart T.

1:16 - 4:00 PM - USC methodically beats the ever living hell out of Cal. Dru becomes so despondent that for the entire second half he does not stand up, speak or even move. His face is like the guy from Saving Private Ryan. The educated guy who just gets more and more terrified as all his pals die horrible deaths. I was just waiting for Dru to snap and storm the field, attacking John David Booty and screaming for blood.

4:00 - 5:00 PM - We dejectedly make the 35 mile death march from the Stadium to the BART. Not a word is spoken until I give a dramatic reading of the poem on Paul's shirt, G makes a wiseass comment and Dru threatens him with instant death. Silence returns for the rest of our trek.

5:15 PM - We stop by Dru's to change. Dru discovers his new homepage. Hilarious cackles of delight from three of us.

5:30 PM - We arrive Pete's Brass Rail and Car Wash (which has neither a Brass Rail nor a Car Wash), sit down and gratefully begin drinking. Garrett, eagerly eyeing the impressive micro-brew list for which Pete's is best known, enthusiastically orders a Labatt Blue.

5:45 PM - Garrett and I realize that the Huskies are winning. This prompts loud whooping, banging on the bar and a rousing rendition of "Bow Down to Washington" which breathes new life into the dejected group of Cal supporters we are drinking with.

6:00 PM - Dru offers me a taste of his Damnation beer. He does not get it back.

6:45 PM - Garret orders his second Labatt. Upon finishing he makes a bathroom run that almost results in puking, pronounces himself "donezo" and returns to the apartment. Paul, who this whole time has been eagerly ordering Dru and I beers, pushes for a trip to a bar. We agree with much trepidation in our hearts. Both of us aware of Paul's single purpose in life which is to get his friends unbelievably drunk.

7:00 PM - After Dru grudgingly agrees to a Boddington's at the famous Crown bar, Paul orders us both a shot of Patrone. Much wailing and nashing of teeth results.

7:05 PM - After numerous name calling sessions and yes, references to female genitalia, Dru shoots the Patrone. For approximately 15 seconds he look like a Looney Toons Cartoon Character who just had an anvil dropped on his foot. His eyes bug out of his head and he desperately sucks on a lime. Paul hasn't felt anything yet and I am not feeling good but, remembering Elbrecht's exhortation to "hang out with my wang out" I unzip and hit the shot and the Boddington's.

7:20 PM - Dru, cursing our names, returns to his apartment.

7:30 - approximately 9:30 PM - What exactly happened during this time my brain can not properly corroberate. Suffice to say that Paul promised he wouldn't let me get sick and proceeded to buy me 3 more shots of Patrone, an Irish Car Bomb and a Margerita. Each drink was followed by Paul petting me and saying, "My Bish, I fucking love you right now." This proves, truely, that Paul is the best of friends.

App. 9:30 PM - While sitting at the bar by myself as Paul was chasing some "tail" I realized that I was about the throw up all over the bar. So, being the responsible parton that I am, I exited the bar and threw up right outside it. Then, through the grace of God, I managed to walk my way back to Dru's apartment. From there, even though I'm sure he's lying, we must take Dru's word for what proceeded. Needless to say I don't remember much with the exception of Dru finding me my phone, getting me some water and a trash can, and Garrett having a ridiculously inappropriate conversation with his fiancee.

Sometime that night - Paul comes home, none of us heard him, and none of us know what happened to him, not even Paul.

6:30 AM - We wake up. Garrett, having all day to relax naturally booked himself an 8 O'clock flight. Since my flight leaves at 11:15 I get to spend four hours at Oakland Airport. Fortunately I'm feeling robust and energetic thanks to my early evening and sound nights sleep.

6:45 AM - We depart. With Paul driving. It was exactly what you think that drive would be like.

7:15 AM - The G and I part ways. I stagger around the Airport for awhile before collapsing on the floor and catching a couple hours of sleep.

11:15 AM - I depart. Weary, beaten and staggered, but with a tale on my heart. We had lived through another weekend. It was the best weekend of our lives where literally nothing went as we'd hoped. I love football!!!! And twins!!!!!!

The Race Card!

I am sick of it, honestly it is getting ridiculous! Everything that happens is racial. I have heard enough. I wish there was something I could actually say and have everybody hear it, but I cant, because if I say it, I am a racist. Here are just a couple things that have happened in the very recent past (two of which are today).

1) the NBA dress code, remind me again why it is racist that you have to dress like a professional just like everyone else in this world that has a job. Here is a good article that shares my thoughts and has a lot of great points.

2) T.O. , no you are not being suspended because you are black, trust me, that is not the reason! you are being suspended because you are a complete cheesey queef! and just because you bring Jesse Jackson into it doesnt make it racist!

3) College coaches not being black, just because there are only a couple african american coaches in NCAA football doesnt mean that it is racism. Maybe it is because the coaches that are in the position they are better coaches than you, not because they are white. This article is retarded.

I am sick of it, Why isnt there a W.E.T. (white entertainment Tele.) or a NAAWP (...white people) or a WCA (white coaches association) or an all white school (Grambling State) to name a few? why not? because that would be racist, give me a friggn break. Screw that!
I am bitter!

Weekend Recap Preview

So while Nate Bishop called Dibs on the weekend recap, allow me re cap a little bit of last night, at least the details bishop will not be able to provide.

Dinner and beer. (Bishop may or may not provide the details).

With just a good old fashioned beer buzz, garrett decides to go to bed around 9, proving he is the smartest of all of us.

I followed very shortly, after trying to tell paul and bishop i was done after 4 Damnation beers, only to have a shot of Patrone (translation: the liquid fires of hell) forced down my throat after about 900 taunts making reference to my owning a certain part of the female anatomy. After I realized this was going to be a theme for the night, and not wanting to repeat mistakes of the past, one of which this blog is named after... I made a hasty exit and joined Garrett in a peaceful slumber.

Bishop, very much a different story. I dont know what happened, but he was already wrecked when I left. And he didnt even come staggering until about 2 hours later. Needless to say, he barely made it home that night, around midnight, and still doesnt know how he did because his memory is a little hazy. (this might be a good time to point that I live MAYBE 50 feet away from the bar we were all in, about a 10 second walk if you take your time... this 50 feet is now clearly marked by bishop-vomit).

Paul, on the other hand, APPARENTLY was not as lucky as Bishop, because he didnt even show up until this morning, still doenst know when he did, and somehow ended up taking a taxi cab from the bar to my apartment, 50 feet away. I say apparently because the only knowlege he has of this is the crumpled up taxi cab receipt i found under my couch this morning, with todays date on it, and an imprint of Paul's credit card. I dont know where he went, Paul doesnt know where he went, but dammit if he didnt spend 25 dollars to get less then 50 feet.

WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THATS HOLY HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?????

To recap:
Garrett and Drew: no harm, no foul, no hangover
Bishop: all day hangover, soiled my place of living
Paul: May be a father.

Nice.

Hmm...

I don't really like to say I told you so, but....

Phoenix 101, Golden State 86

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/recap?gameId=251112021

paul is making me post. i am drunk. and garrett is drunk. and bisop is drunk. paul is not drunk.

cal is so damn good. joe ayoob for hesiman.

i need to go throw up now. bithces.

Call me Bubba

This will be my only trash talking post of the NBA (fantasy) hoop season. I will be doing this to all of you so grab your ankles and wear it!

My Political Rant

I cant take it anymore.

I HATE conservatives. (not all conservatives, like nate e is a conservative and i love him, but he is also smart). But I hate dumb-ass conservatives. Like This Guy. and This Guy. I am not even going to use their names because they are such flaming idiots and I refuse to give them the pleasure. One guy is calling for terrorists to just come on in and blow up San Francisco because the people there have the fucking AUDACITY to have a different opinion then him. This is AMERICA you dumb fuck. People have the freedom to believe differently then you, just like you have the freedom to open your mouth and prove that you are a douchebag. So thank you for gracing us with your ignorance. Oh, and that goes for you to, Pat... and if anyone else would like to join Pat in calling for people to be assassinated (out of christian love) and telling people that their lives were destroyed by hurricanes because of "Gods Wrath, and the gays"... then you are also stupid douchebags. Call me up so I can beat your ass. No wait. Thats wrong. Shit. Moving on...

I hate liberals. especially the people who run the san francisco chronicle, when just about every other paper I saw largely ignored O Reilly, they decided to devote their ENTIRE FRONT PAGE and biggest font known to mankind all to his quote, giving him the one thing he has been craving ever since his daddy forgot to hug him as a child, Attention. And in doing so, they also fanned the flames of hatred of a city who already feels that anything "Conservative" automatically means "Christian" and looks down on them through a huge ass plank and thinks they are dirt. and they hate them for that. So thanks for keeping the cycle of hate going, you liberal douchebags. I hate you.

(Is it wrong to hate things that further hate? hmmmm.)

So after their entire front page of hate mongering, irony of ironies (possibly more ironic than this post) these people go ahead and drop in a article with Bono, who is all about peace and hugs and understanding, while working together to confront serious problems, and seems to be only person saying anything worthwhile.

Cant we all just work together and recognize and appreciate differing opinions and GET ALONG????????

NBA Hoops

If you are on this blog and you like basketball, check your bubbs.

Right now.

Why people who get paid to write about baseball are morons.

Just so you guys know this is the single most boring post on this blog. Ever. Seriously. Just so you know.

Ladies and gentleman.......

2005 AL Cy Young: Bartolo Colon

2005 NL Cy Young: Chris Carpenter

These two one the award for two reasons:
1. They won 20 games.
2. Their teams won their division.

Let's have a little thought process on what makes a good pitcher. Let's start by seeing what a pitcher does and does not have direct control over. When a pitcher lets go of the ball there are 3 basic things that can happen;
1. the pitch is a ball
2. the pitch is a strike
3. the pitch is put into play.

Now, the pitcher has DIRECT control over numbers 1 and 2. He either threw a strike, or he didn't. When the batter makes contact however, the outcome is out of the pitcher's hand (no pun intended). Now granted there are generally better types of bat to ball contact, but we've all seen a ball absolutely smoked that gets caught by the third baseman. Conversely we've all seen a batter bloop one over the second baseman's head or Eckstein one through the hole between short and third. There is a stat called Batting Average on Balls In Play (BABIP) that measures how often batters get a hit off a certain pitcher when they make contact. Surprisingly the variation in BABIP between the best pitchers and the worst is fairly small. And a lot of pitcher's will see their BABIP fluctuate wildly from year to year. Why? Because it simply isn't a repeatable skill. BABIP is more than anything an indicator of how lucky that particular pitcher was during that particular season. So, if a pitcher can't control what happens what a batter does after he hits the ball, how do we seperate the good pitcher from the bad? For that we go back to outcomes 1 and 2 and their logical conclusions; walks and strikeouts. Strikeouts are the holy grail for pitching efficiancy. They don't have to rely on their defense. Walks are the bane of a pitcher's excistence. They result in men on base without allowing the defense an opportunity to record an out. So therefore the pitchers with the most consistent success are usually those that walk few and strikeout many. There is another stat that measures this, it's called Walks plus Hits per Innings Pitches (WHIP). A good WHIP is something around 1.2. Colon's 2005 WHIP was 1.159. Good for 3rd in the league. Pretty solid however it completely pales in comparison to Johan Santana's league leading and other worldly .971. If you take into account a pitcher's home park and adjust accordingly you can get a pretty good idea of how effective a random pitcher is by looking at simply his rate of walks, strikeouts and hits per innings pitched.

Now what everyone in the mainstream media talks about is Wins and ERA. I'm not going to get into the imperfections of ERA right now because its complicated and there isn't that great of an alternative to present. However, let's talk about how completely retarded it is to judge a pitcher by wins and losses.

A starting pitcher gets credit for a win if he pitches a minimum of 5 innings and leaves with his team ahead and the game ends with his team winning without ever giving up the lead. How complicated is that? Not only is the rule harder to understand than Stan but the sheer concept is ridiculous. A pitcher who goes 8 innings and strikes out 15 but whose team loses 2-1 can get credit for the loss while a pitcher who goes 5 innings, walks 6 and gives up 7 runs but who gets a ton of run and whose team wins 11-9 can get the win. Now one pitcher was dominant and the other craptastic but for whatever reason baseball credits the latter one with the superior achievemant. The idiocy of this for a measuring stick of performance is best seen through this example: If a pitcher was perfect, i.e. he struck out every single batter he faced and finished the season with an ERA of 0.00 and 675 strikeouts he would not be garaunteed a SINGLE WIN. Unless the pitcher's teams offense scored him some runs before he was taken out, which is something that is completely seperate from the pitcher's individual performance, then he will not get a win. Yet when you watch Baseball Tonight you see John Kruk saying at midseason that Jon Garland is the Cy Young winner because "the guy is flat out winning games for his team". Bullshit John, his team is winning games, he's just pitching well. Also you and Jeff Brantley are the two best examples of why people who played the game should undergo a strick "de-idioting" before they are allowed to spew their locker room macho ignorance to the masses. All this to say that Bartolo Colon was an absolutely disgraceful choice as Cy Young and Chris Carpenter, although a better choice, was still the third best pitcher in his league behind Dontrelle Willis and the absolutely incredible Roger Clemens. I won't get into how this translates to making RBI a completely useless stat but suffice to say that there are a lot of dumb people covering sports out there. Just because someone gets to put "columnist" or "beat writer" after their name does not make them intelligent. Keep fighting the fight. Thanks for the time.

Sex Education

Disclaimer:

This article is for the married guys (bishop and codger and Jrod) or soon to be married guys (garrett and nate e).

Everyone else, dont click on it.

For those of you who were homeschooled (nate and nate), the two words bleeped out that rhyme are pink and stink.

Why Cal will win this weekend

Here are a few reasons why Cal beat the men of troy from southern california.

1) It is at home and they beat the trojans last time they met there.

2) Tedford, aka drew's mancrush

3) Matt Leinart is not really that good anyway, He is not one of the best QBs in the history of the game and he doesnt play well under pressure filled circumstances.

4) Reggie Bush. He is not the best running back in college football and probably wont be the Heisman trophy winner.

5) White, he is not that good either

6) all the USC recievers, they are not catching everything that is thrown their way.

7) The Trojans are due for a loss

8) Pete Carroll isn't that good of a coach

9) I am extremely bored and bitter at work so I am trying to think of more ways to be bitter.

10) I will be cheering for them, which is good because my teams are always winners (m's, sonics, seahawks, UW, King's West, Biola, Baylor, etc.)

Where the hell am I in all of this?

First of all let it be known that as of 11:40 PM on wednesday I have air travel to Oakland from Seattle. The second I clicked the purchase button I felt a collective gasp from the greater Southern California region. As though fifty million people had been kicked in the groin at the same time. Then there was silence. It is an omen. My presence has sealed the fate of the Trojans. Their defense will tear apart like Trojans are known to do and I will be personally sending hookers to every member of the SC offense the night before the game (except for Leinhart. He's too busy with that 12 year old from Laguna Beach. The lucky, sick, glorious bastard).
I will forewarn you that this is classic late night blog ranting. Filled with wild tangents, poor grammar and even worse punctuation. Are you warned? Very well:

Where the hell am I? Damnit I don't know. Living in Washington so far has been a complete study in paradox: I feel crazy busy, but I don't think I do enough. I've never worked harder, and never felt a greater financial strain. I feel like I just got here, but LA feels like a dream that never happened. I feel the anger and frustration towards God abating, but I still can't go to church on Sunday with throwing up just a little bit in my mouth.
It feels as though the last six months are a transition. Gone are the carefree days of Biola, the skipping of classes, the cafe feeding me. Now I'm married and have to buckle down and earn a living and be responsible and buy a house cuz pretty soon we'll be priced out of the market as first time buyers but we want to get something big enough for kids and.......bullshit I say. When I was in college all I wanted to do was settle down, find a comfortable job and enjoy my Pleasantville life. Now that I'm starting that I feel like it's here about 10 years too soon. Don't get me wrong I love Mandy and I'm happy with her as my wife but I think I'm more frustrated with where society seems to want a man to go when he gets married. I feel like Frank from Old School. So seperated from my instincts as man. They've been replaced with grocery store lines and trips to the vet. I desperately need to find my Streaking the Quad. A release from the tensions and pressures of daily life. It's not that the life up here is intrinsically tough and pressure filled but almost that the tension comes from realizing how good I have it and yet how unfulfilled I feel. Which compounds upon itself because then I feel guilty for not being content with my daily bread or for sitting on my ass here when I've literally seen something like 400,000 lives destroyed through disasters in the last twelve months. They would all be weeping with thanks if they were where I am now. I just don't get it. I am the classic example of the man that Tyler so comprehensively wrote about in "Greener Grass in WA?" back in sept. I feel like Peter Givens, who's got a steady job and is dating Jennifer Anniston and yet is impatient and unsatisfied with his life, "I don't know why I can't just go to work like everyone else and be happy." Maybe I need God to sentance me to 5 to 1o in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison. I don't know guys. Pretty much the only thing I do know is that I am one fucked up dude who is confused, selfish, and willfuly self-involved. Even this whole post is one big self-indulgence. I mean whenever I decide to get real on this thing I end up whining like a pathetic little bitch. You'd think I was depressed or suicidal or something. I'm actually fairly happy most days but it feels like I have swallow these kinds of thoughts and feelings everyday before I allow myself some happiness. Maybe Jared can help he employed the whole damn BCC for approximately 24 months.

I just don't get it.

Oh well.....fuck SC here we go boys!!!!!!!!!

On our rugged Eastern foothills,
Stands our symbol clear and bold,
Big "C" means to fight and strive
And win for blue and Gold.
Golden Bear is ever watching;
Day by day he prowls,
And when he hears the tread
Of lowly Stanfurd red,
From his Lair he fiercely growls.

What's he say? He says:
Grrrrrah, Grrrrrrah!
Grrrr, Rrrr, Rrrrrah!

We are Sons of California,
Fighting for the Gold and Blue.
Palms of glory we will win
for Alma Mater true.
Stanfurd's men will soon be routed
By our dazzling "C",
And when we serpentine,
Their red will turn to green,
In our hour of victory!

What's he say? He says:
Grrrrrah, Grrrrrrah!
Grrrr, Rrrr, Rrrrrah!

(Unofficial Third Verse)

Down our rugged Eastern foothills,
Slides our symbol through the trees;
Big "C" means look out below
And stand back if you please.
SC's men will soon be routed
As it slips and falls,
And when you hear the crash
Of something getting smashed,
Then you'll know it hit Bowles Hall!

Big Game Titration Verse

We are Sons of California,
Fighting for the Gold and Blue.
Psalms and story and titration
Soon will be all through.
Stanford's men will soon be routed
By Lab-ra-tory
And when we stir this goo,
The red will turn to blue,
In this hour of Chemistry!

Wedding Gifts

Wondering what to get the G for his wedding present?

Problem Solved.

Vertigo

So as you can see from the very clear camera phone picture that rivals Garrets midget picture (which could have either been two midgets walking or a blurry picture of a food stand from 90 yards away), not only is my motorola razor worth every damn penny, I spent last night in Row 19, Section 119 of the Oakland Arena for the return leg of U2's Vertigo Tour.

The boys from Ireland were in fine form, and rocked my ass right off. I was glad to catch this coming back around, because it really felt like the completion of the first set of shows. They trimmed out a couple of the old songs, and a couple of the newer songs, and supplemented them with a few songs from "the middle" which is never a bad idea. The only downsides were Bono wasnt feeling very preachy, and I felt like I got screwed by getting stuck with Damien Marley as the opener (he REALLY likes Jamaica) especially when next weeks opener is Kanye West.

For those of you keeping score at home, the set list was as follows:

U2 Oakland, CA November 9th
Set List
City of Blinding Lights
Vertigo
Elevation (this song kicks so much ass live)
Mysterious Ways
End of the World
Still Havent Found/In a little while
Beautiful Day
Miracle Drug
Sometimes You Cant Make it
Love and Peace Or Else
Sunday Bloody Sunday
Bullet the Blue Sky/Hands that built america/Johnny comes marching home
Miss Sarajevo (bono went ahead and nailed the Pavarotti part... ballsy)
Pride
Streets have no name
One/One Tree Hill (acoustic)
Zoo Station
The Fly
With or Without You (Probably the high-light of the night!).
All Because of You
Yahweh
Forty

(nate/brandon if you want to compare that list to san jose, here you go)

Where the heck is Bish in all of this?

Nathan Bishop? Where the heck are you? I have not heard from you in a long, very long time. Is it because our sonics are off to a horrible start (67 points last night)? Is it because you are too busy enjoying the beauty that is the WA? Is it because you are too busy enjoying the bathing suit areas of Tyler's sister? Or is it because you are planning for Extreme Makeover Home Edition to come to Port Orchard in the coming months (saw that on kitsapsun.com)? What is happening with you? I need to know!
I have a great and awesome story about Rex Hudler for you and I cant wait to tell you! you are going to Drewsh's this weekend right?
Now to Cody, I practically live next door to you and I have tried and tried to hang out with you and Tara. I am working out tonight at around 9:30, be there!
Skunk Spot, how the heck are you? I decided that I want to go to europe again, I have matured since then, I promise I wont draw dongs on the foggy windows of the train. I told Jill that I am going to take her to europe on our 1 year anniversary. She said OK.
I thought of you yesterday, I went to Rockler Woodworking store to find some tools/supplies for my bed that I am still planning on making. It seemed like a store you might like.
Drew, Our warriors are killing and Baron is talking playoffs and I dont blame him. And you better warm up Pete's cause we will be there!

side note: T.O. if the worst human being on the earth. (this is me trying my hardes to refrain from any racial related comments)

Article

This article has nothing to do with chuck norris.

alright fine, i lied.

Recap of my adventure in the Ozarks

So this past weekend, for those of you don’t know, I went out to the mid-west to visit Nate E because the company that he works for was having a weekend meeting/retreat and somehow I scored an invite and got to go play in the Ozarks for a couple of days.

The following is a re-cap of my weekend, which will play out mostly in running diary format.

Before I begin, allow me to issue a preface:

1. Nate E has not been shitting us in his random Yay Midwest! jimmy-shaking posts… The Ozark Mountains are an extremely beautiful and picturesque part of the country. If the natural beauty scale runs from 1-10, and California obviously sets the standard with solid 10’s (Yosemite, Big Sur Coastline, and the San Ramon Valley to name a few), I would say the Ozarks probably rank up there as a solid 8, it would be a little higher if there was some variation, and if I didn’t suspect it was just seasonal, leaf-color changing thing, but my point is, it is pretty amazing.

2. The people I met in the Midwest, specifically within the company, were all very nice people. Friendly, welcoming, genuine. Etc. Good people.

3. I would like to take a moment to issue Special Thanks to (in no particular order): God (for that whole leaf color changing thing), the Boulevard Brewing Co., the Springfield Brewing Co., Jason Lee and the guy who plays his brother on the show, Nate E’s parents for having a few minutes to kill roughly 26 years ago and creating Nate, Nate E for driving over 1,000 miles this weekend just to hang out with me and show me the Midwest (despite being an asshole and reminding me every 15 minutes how much driving he had to do), Southwest Airlines for low fares and free peanuts, Chuck Norris for being Chuck, Sister Hazel, and last but certainly not least, hot german girls drinking beer.

My Weekend in the Ozarks
Thursday evening.
6:00 P.M. (PST): I depart Oakland for Tulsa Oklahoma. Apparently, there are no direct flights from California to Tulsa. If you want to go, you have to fly from Oakland, to Santa Ana, to Phoenix, to Amarillo, to Providence, to Toronto, to Wichita to Tulsa. At least, that is the path I had to take.
11:00 P.M.: I arrive in Tulsa, OK. I had a car reserved. Nate called me earlier in the day and told me to cancel the car, he would be there to pick me up. I cancel the car. I get off the plane. Nate is nowhere to be found. Damn him.
12:00 (midnight): I sit on the curb. Nate finally arrives.
It is after midnight in Tulsa. We have to get up early and start driving to Missouri. So of course we do the only thing that Nate and I would possibly do in this situation: We find an Irish pub and start drinking.
1:44 A.M.: We arrive at Nate’s cousins house where we will spend the night before leaving for Missouri. Nate says we need to be up and out by 8 in the morning.

Friday
10:30 A.M.: I wake up. Nate is still sound asleep, of course wearing his trademark bikini cut briefs which have caused many a Thompson Hall music major to stumble, and are actually illegal in most counties in Oklahoma (If Rest Stops are the bathhouses of the 90’s, Thompson Hall at Biola University is the bathhouse of the 2000’s). It never ceases to amaze me that someone who spends so much time outdoors could be so pastey WHITE.
11:00 A.M. As we are leaving, Nate’s cousin informs me that we are going to be spending a weekend in a cabin in the woods on a lake. I begin to regret the suitcase full of polo shirts, dress shirts, dress pants, dress socks and dress shoes that Nate insisted I would need. I have exactly one pair of jeans I wore for traveling and two t shirts. Nate’s begins to cackle at his latest “prank”, I begin planning his destruction.
1:00 P.M. We eat Mexican food (Nate’s attempt at making me feel more at home) and FINALLY get on the road… not for Missouri, for Arkansas. Apparently we have to go look at Arkansas before arriving in Missouri. And why shouldn’t we? If they can simultaneously outlaw sodomy while legalizing incest, shouldn’t we at least go there so we can tell our grandchildren about it someday?
4:00 P.M. - Arkansas, at least the northern part, is really damn beautiful. Apparently between Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Missouri, state law requires a Sonic, Wendy’s or a Steak n Shake every one hundred yards.
4:30 P.M. – Nate begins to rattle off the list of things he has planned for the weekend: Kayaking, Fishing, Football, Basketball, all while cackling at how I am to participate in the above activities in my Dockers, Rockports and Lacoste shirts. He is a funny little shit, isn’t he?
5:00 P.M.: Somewhere in the greater Fayetville Arkansas area, I see it: a Giant Goodwill store. Not just any Goodwill, a goddam ARKANSAS Goodwill. My brain begin to hurt as I struggled to imagine the treasures I would find in there. I could actually show up to this company weekend dressed appropriately… red plaid, a hat with ear flaps, maybe even a duck call I could wear around my neck. “Nate, you gotta take me there!” I declare. “Hell no!” he said. “Pull the fuck over! Its Goodwill in ARKANSAS!!! DO YOU REALIZE THE POSSIBILITIES HERE!!!!” He stares straight ahead. I promise to spend a minimum of 100 dollars and buy him anything he wants. He gives me an evil smile and keeps driving.
6:00 P.M.- We pull over to take leak. Several cars of elderly people think we are pulled over to look at wildlife, so they pull over to. The only wildlife they see is two young Biola alums, dicks in hand, peeing into a field. I am willing to bet money that the next time those people see a car pulled over, they will just keep driving.
6:30 P.M. Nate and I cross from Arkansas into Missouri, grooving to a Sister Hazel concert on XM radio, and smoking hand rolled cigarettes. I am pretty sure that is the ONLY way one should cross from Arkansas to Missouri.
7:00 P.M We arrive in Branson, MO, which is, to quote nate quoting the simpsons “What Nashville would look like if Ned Flanders was in charge”. After several miles of billboards advertising the main Branson headliner, Yakov Smirnoff, we arrive at our little cabin on the lake, and find that of course we will be sharing the queen bed.

*** bonus material*** The rest of Friday evening was, for the most part, a blur...and can be summed up simply as Dinner, Meeting, My Name is Earl marathon on nate’s laptop, bed.
However, there is one important item to note: For as long as I have known Nate, I haven’t really ever been introduced to his family, with the exception of his little brother, who was at Biola for exactly 48 hours in 1999, yet is on a Campus Safety “watch list” due to an "incident" I may or may not have been a part of. But this was for the first time I have ever laid eyes on one of his sisters. Now I know all about them… but have never actually SEEN them. So I saw one of his two sisters, and much to my great surprise, she is not just a fox, she is a fox and a half. Now this fact completely floored me, because you look at nate, and there is no way I would thought he had hot sisters. Cause lets face it, nate is a dirty guy. For those of you who last saw nate at cody’s wedding, picture him then, but imagine he still hasn’t cut his hair, or shaved, or bathed since then. And you have a pretty accurate picture of Nate’s current state. I mean the guy looks like is planning a trip into Thailand with Larabee for some “tourism” for crying out loud. Now we have already demonstrated on this blog, (archives, september if I recall correctly) that when cleaned up, Nate could pass for a rugged Orlando Bloom, but anyways, all this is just to say, as filthy as Nate happily is, his sister rates a solid 12 on the 1 to 10 babe scale. Unfortunately for you single guys reading this, she is happily married to a man who could probably crush you with just his neck muscles if you even thought about going there. But fortunately, nate has another actually available sister. That is just an FYI. PS- this other sister (no pun intended nate) is on a missions trip with Stan, so maybe we should just go ahead and throw an asterisk on that “available” word… cause lets face it, you can be the smoothest talker in the world with the ladies… but you are still no match for Stan’s chest.

Saturday
8:00 A.M.- Breakfast- discovery of the morning: Nate’s laugh… the “ghastly cackle” as bishop so eloquently puts it… that has been known to break up cat fights in santa ana and give small children nightmares… is hereditary.
9:00 – Noon – Company meeting begins, they talk about what a “great job” Nate has done for the company, I begin to slow-clap, a la “the sarcastically clapping family” from SNL and everyone joins in and nate gets quite an ovation. Everyone else who was clapping was sincere. I was being an asshole. Damn, I love myself.
12:00 P.M.- Nate teaches me how to kayak on Lake Tittycomo. Its actually pretty damn fun. The air is warm and the water is 37 degrees. Luckily, my grace and natural agility keep me from experiencing this firsthand.
2:30 P.M. – So Nate is faced with this choice in the afternoon: Sit in management meetings and crunch numbers and talk market shares and supply and demand curves and economies of scale all afternoon, or use me as his out and go to a Branson bar and get drunk and watch college football. He chooses Option B. Who am I to argue?
Rest of the Afternoon- Sweet Boulevard Wheat brews and gin and tonic…… Since we still have an evening meeting, we just decide to get a good buzz on. And the buzz is good. The Cal Bears decide to take another average team into overtime and lose. Joe Ayoob looks GOOD (to every defensive back in the Pac 10).
6:00- Dinner and evening meeting. There is a shifting of tables and somehow Nate ends up with basically an entire pot of coffee on the front of his pants. This one guy keeps apologizing for moving the table and I laugh hysterically, because I am sure this is somehow Nate’s fault. Did I mention we have a good buzz on? Nate changes his pants.
10:00 – Meetings are over. Nate and I are headed back into Downtown Branson to finish what we started earlier in the day. We end up in sleazy bar. As we walk through the door, country music blaring from the jukebox, we actually have to walk around two VERY ugly girls grinding on one guy on the dance floor while the locals look on in amusement. Nate and I drink upstairs, talk, socialize with the very drunk locals, and generally have a good time. My first drink is sooo strong it is reminiscent of one night in the woods of Port Orchard. The night got later and later, and after I have run out of explicit and sordid tales to tell nate involving late nights in La Mirada Park and the picnic tables… I am a little faded by the way… Nate and I call it a night.

Sunday
8:00 A.M.- Nate, being an ass, asks me to fetch him a cup of coffee. I start to tell him where to stick that cup of coffee, think better of it, and hurry off to get it.
8:15 A.M. – Nate takes his first sip of his coffee, realizes there is a half of shaker of salt in it, and does a picture-perfect spit take while I nearly piss myself laughing. Yes, I am 25.
Morning-Early Afternoon: Sunday was a day of relaxation and recuperation and a little mellow for me because it was my last day of my surreal trip to the Ozarks, and I knew in less then 24 hours I would be back in Danville, and life would go on. This was a bit sad in that I was going to miss Nate, and there were some really good people I had met I would have liked to have spent some time getting to know better.
We went for one last kayak run on the Lake, soaked in the beauty of the Ozarks one last time, Nate tried to throw a water snake at me, which did not make me happy, and then we packed it up and hit the road.
1:30 P.M. – Lunch, Springfield Brewing Co. Holy Shit. Best. Place. Ever.
6:00 P.M. – Nate and I say our goodbyes. I hop a plane.
9:40 P.M. (PST) – I am in Phoenix. I run into the Cal Rugby team… one of college sports lesser publicized dynasties. They have won the National Rugby championship like 18 times out of the last 20 or something re-goddam-diculous like that. They all appear to be Samoan, which is weird, and then I hear them talk, and they are all from Australia. So there you have it, the secret to Cal’s Rugby dynasty: Australian- raised Samoans. I know you were wondering, now you know.
12:30 A.M. – I am in bed and another adventure is in the books.

What is this world cumming to?

Now fellas, I heard a story this morning on the radio on my way to work and I just cant help but think, what the heck is wrong with this world? I heard a story of two carolina pathers cheerleaders who were caught "making love" in a bathroom stall in a club in Tampa. I know this a cool thought for your B.O.M.B. (Beat off memory bank) but come on get some class. This is me being offended. If you must do your awesomely sinful act, please do it at home or at least not in a public place. And if someone confronts you on it, dont punch them in the face and then refuse arrest. Just realize that you are a slutty whore and are going to mostly likely burn in hell unless you find Jesus and ask him into your heart (John 3:16). I you are all thinking, is G really offended or he is turned on? and the answer to that is, I am disgusted and here is why. I struggle, no I struggle badly with lust and internet things and stories like this do nothing good for my thought life. These are things that should not be reality. keep them in pornos where they are not to be seen or heard of by people like me. I dont need to hear these things. I love jill so much and for me to give these things extra thought is horrible and it needs to change. pray for me!!!

So damn epic....

First there was Braveheart, Then there was Gladitor, now there is this. Enjoy.

a quick update..

and I you will all be very surprised!!!
I had my meeting with the dodger guy and it doesnt look like the best situation for me, to say the least. so I am going to try to use my experience and knowledge and degree and Iam applying for the SID (sports info director) at concordia univer. I am sorry drew, I have to. I will be updating more as it comes, but that is the deal, I hate resumes and applications!!!

NBA

For those of you who want to know what the hell the rest of us are talking about when it comes to the NBA... allow me to present a refresher course. Simmons in two parts.

Oh and PS my warriors are undefeated. booyah.

Happy Trails.. to me

Today I am boarding a plane for the Land of Lincoln, the Great White North, the city that never sleeps, Tulsa, Oklahoma.

I will be vacationing with one Nate E for the weekend in Branson, Missouri.

Since I will be leaving the safety of California for a place full of tornados, rain, conservatives, and rogue deer, please keep me in your prayers this weekend.

Thank you.

(I will post updates from the midwest, assuming I can find both power lines and internet access).

Holy Mother of Shit

So Drew posted "Holy Mother of Shit, awe is all I feel for you." I got to thinking who is this holy mother of shit. Forty-five minutes of googling later and I had my answer. So here she is. The Holy Mother of Shit.

As this is likely the most offensive post on the fing unknown to date I expect Drew to remove it momentarily.

The great American art of.....

Bathroom stall writings blessed me with some truly beautiful inspiration today as I relieved myself in the Belfair Safeway this afternoon. To wit:

"Bush was wrong, 2052 dead."
"BUSH SUCKS!!!!"
"You assholes are the ones who voted for him."
"Who was I supposed to vote for that Swift Boat Veteran with Botox?"

and my personal favorite;

"I have a 10 inch long c___, big and strong,
guys sign your wives up below.

1.__________ Ph#____________
2.__________ Ph#____________
3.__________ Ph#____________"

Have any of the wanderers of the f'ing unknown graced a bathroom stall, tree or other inanimate object with a witty saying or two? I found myself wondering if this a purely American quirk or does the saying "Fur un Goot zeit ruf...." mean something in the Fatherland?

as long as we are talking about halloween (2 days later)

It has been a while since I logged on to homestarrunner.com but I remembered the witches bwoo and decided to give it a chot this morning. I'm happy to know that my halloween costume was the same as strong sad's this year. I almost lost it when I saw that pom-pom was dressed up as Walter from the Big Lebowski. After the cartoon you can click on pom-pom and see strong bad enter a world of pain.

Halloween Update

Anyone do anything fun for Halloween?

Man, my Halloween was cool and all, but so low key! Steak and Potatos and Guiness at a friends house, followed by a viewing of Saw... which actually kind of freaked me out... but hey its halloween! Isnt that what Halloween is all about? Oh wait, unless you went to biola, then Halloween was all about getting WRECKED...

Does anybody on the blog remember how f'ing wild Halloween on the Posse used to get, back in the day? Oh man, my best memory by far is that one House Party in fullerton when pretty much the entire Posse went out in STYLE: everyone dressed up in the most ridiculous costumes... Weaks and Strong as Savages (just so they could wear loincloths, and trust me, there isnt enough cloth in the world...), Kruger as "Greg Poo-ganus" wearing just a speedo and googles and then he smeared brown paint all over his body, Myself, painted green, and wearing an 8 foot dinosaur suit that Fergie freaked on the dance floor for like 2 hours... man what else were people wearing to that thing? It was so freaking sweet, what I can actually remember of it... I wish I still had the group pic from that night...

The world's biggest Anti-Super Fan!

I am the world's biggest anti-super fan and this is why.
I will be attending the USC/CAl game with drew in Berkeley. I will be wearing a "Roll on you Bears" shirt (hopefully)! And Cheering gleefully against the men of troy, even though I am really close friends with Matty L. then the very next weekend I will probably attending the USC/Fresno State game at USC and I will be attending with a huge Fresno State fan (jillian.k.moore) and I will be wearing my fresno state bulldogs shirt(well, its a gonzaga bulldogs shirt but it just has the bulldog and the same colors so it will now be my fresno state shirt). I will probably cheer a little more quietly for the opposite SC team in this case than up at Cal. I find this kind of interesting yet fun. so we will see

Go Cal
Go Fresno State
Go USC when you are not playing a team that I am partially connected to.

I have a lunch meeting tomorrow at 1pm with the dodger guy and our clubhouse manager. I was just talking to our clubhouse guy and he said we will go out and "have a couple" at lunch. so it doesnt sound like I will need to wear my interview best and bring my polished resume.

Grab Two Beers And Meet Me In the F'ing Unknown

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Once in a lifetime...

Update

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Miyagi

did you see it?

Monday, November 28, 2005

Sit down for this

I'm just so happy.....

any good stories?

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Stick this up your 300 and smoke it...

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

PREPARE YOURSELF

Happy Turkey Day

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Reggie Bush is not that fast

I love golf.

Blog?

Monday, November 21, 2005

Of football, family, and other worlds....

Its just not fair

Incredible

Saturday, November 19, 2005

In other news...

Five Hours of Wagner

Friday, November 18, 2005

Since everybody appears to be shy...

Thursday, November 17, 2005

In other news...

The perfect girl for nate and other stories...

Required reading...

school pride (with photos)

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

File this bad boy in the "bank" for later

Most Valuable Post (MVP)

odds and ends

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

A New Era Begins in Berkeley

Monday, November 14, 2005

He's gonna do one.......

The Race Card!

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Weekend Recap Preview

Hmm...

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Friday, November 11, 2005

Call me Bubba

My Political Rant

NBA Hoops

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Why people who get paid to write about baseball are morons.

Sex Education

Why Cal will win this weekend

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Where the hell am I in all of this?

Wedding Gifts

Vertigo

Where the heck is Bish in all of this?

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Article

Monday, November 07, 2005

Recap of my adventure in the Ozarks

What is this world cumming to?

Thursday, November 03, 2005

So damn epic....

a quick update..

NBA

Happy Trails.. to me

Holy Mother of Shit

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

The great American art of.....

as long as we are talking about halloween (2 days later)

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Halloween Update

The world's biggest Anti-Super Fan!

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