That's Angel, as in asshole.
I'm sorry. I now that a few here don't share the Dru and I's heroinlike addiction to all that is big time American athletics (or in some cases smalltime, Go Washington Crew!) but something has to be said about the big smelly stain that the Anaheim Angels are on our planet. I just watched these veritable Pussies of the Pitch beat the New York Wankees to advance to the ALCS. Since we have all lived in the OC I think their is no need to go into depth as to why Angel fans are a step below Judas Iscariot on the complete Douch-o-meter. But you may not all know the team. With that in mind I give you the 2005 Anaheim Angels, Biola Edition: (Author's note. Since specific name dropping of Biolaites is shunned like girls from Elton John's dressing room, the intended targets of these jokes will have to be figured out through the general description given to their respective Angel player)
Batting Leadoff: Chone Figgins. Obnoxiously happy. Leads worship in chapel. Managed to convince the establishment that he is all that is right with the game (or school).
Batting Second: Orlando Cabrera. Uses his athletic fame to take advantage of girls. This ass came from another school with a big time rep but in reality is all smoke and no fire.
Batting Third: Vladimer Guererro. Big, talented and dumber than your Uncle from West Virginia. Played for the basketball team in name only. Managed to somehow promote Islam through Biola Athletics.
Batting Fourth: Garrett Anderson. Well, that's just too easy. Backstreet's back alright!!!!
Batting Fifth: Bengie Molina. A strange, large, loud man who lived on Mole for only one year. Mainly known for being the roomate of a certain Mole-ian who took Brad Nowell's lyrics a little to literally and "smoked two joints before he smoked two joints, and then he smoked two more."
Batting Sixth: Darin Erstad. A true enigma. A grumpy, smarmy ass from the midwest who is more likely to blow pipe smoke in your face or blatantly avoid all serious questions by yelling out "THINGS!" at the top of his voice than to actually engage in conversation with you. A ruckus from the Plains of Missouri.
Batting Seventh: Jaun Rivera. A completely irrelavant and anonymous member of the university. Hails from a foriegn land. Tried to connect witht the Posse but oh who the hell am I kidding it's PAULUS!!!!! Freakin' Paulus bro!!!!!
Batting Eigth: Steve Finley. The only guy who consistently gets all of Jared's 80's references. A resident of the "Manwhich" era this dude was brought on board to bring leadership and a veteran presence but instead brought alot of guitar and hot air.
Batting Ninth: Adam Kennedy. A Mole Posse Classic. Wife beaters and threats of physical violence galore. Nobody quite gets the ridiculousness that this guy spews but we are somewhat amused nonetheless. Once raped Dru on an elavator.
Starting Pitcher: Bartolo Colon. Dude looks like he ate the Cafe Nazi. Given a nickname from Naked Da*e Kreu*er that was also a part of the male reproductive organs.
Closing Pitcher: Fransisco Rodriguez. A quasi jock that truely thinks his ish doesn't stink. Loves to party after big games with his "Roll Dawgs". Known to attract the honeys at car shows.
If you know the name of all these people congratulations. You not only know your Biolans but are beginning to understand the horror that is the Anaheim Angels. I can't believe I'm gonna say it but go White Sox. **** the Angels right in their ****!!!!
posted by Nate B @ 8:51 PM
8 comments
8 Comments:
First of all, this is excellent.
Second of all, the Cal crew team is currently ranked #1 in the country.
Just FYI
I hear that Washington's Rugby team made Cal their bitch.
Just FYI
That is another untrue statement
Cal knows Rugby
Rex once tried to hookup with my 13 year old daughter by saying to her "Hey your quite a baby, baby."
Make sure to sign up to have the time with Paulus
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you ass
Bisho,
Battting in the number 2 slot could be a number of different people... Terrence, Gary Colbert, even 90% of the baseball team, etc etc.
Although batting in the 9th slot could also be a couple people as well...
That's kind of part of the beauty of the batting order really. Very subjective. Although my intended target for No. 2 was a certain basketball player who's first name was very appropriate considering his lack of abstinence. And no. 9's first name is also the nickname of a certain infamous Mexican City.
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