Grab Two Beers And Meet Me In the F'ing Unknown: April 2006

Friday, April 28, 2006

It has gone too far!!!

I just finished reading the latest edition of the publication we all know and love/hate... The Chimes. AFter I finished reading aobut 80% of the articles I gently/forcefully placed/threw it too the ground.

I am sick and tired of the gay ass race card. seriously 90% of the articles (I know I only read 80% but I read teh titles of the others) are about how america and all white people are racists. There is an article about how biola's chapels are racist. I am dead serious. They are racist because they dont ever have any diversity and they dont preach to the African American culture. I didnt know God sees race. I thought we were all his children (red and yellow, black and white, we are all precious in his sight). here is a quote from a black girl at biola...

hold on.. let me put these ripped pieces back together... "it feels like we are in a zoo and Im an animal behind bars...just a person in the backgroud...Ive got to yell louders so someone will hear me and I have to jump higher to just be seen."

"chapel tend to focus on white issues through a white style."

Weird I didnt the Bible was a white style..huh.

Then...Then there is an article...ps I am still on teh front page.. there is an article about "a day without a Latino" where all latino workers are planning on not showing up to work to prove a point that we need them here.

Honestly, if they done show up.. thats awesome! I seriously dont think that if all the latinos left and went back to where ever it is they came from it would cause damage to this country. sure it would for a little while. But after a while. it would be fine. I am not saying They cant be here and we would be a lot better without them, but if we didnt have them, I am sure we would get a long just fine.

I seriously have no problem with people from other countries coming here. I dont. but do it right. you are coming into our culture, adjust to it!! dont expect us to change to your culture. remember it is you that came into our country!!

as far as the first article I spoke about. I am seriously furious!!! I want to say something so bad (ie. write an article in the chimes) but I would be racist. and that is the part that pisses me off. You cant say anything to disagree because your are automatically a racist pig bastard!!

That is it. as soon as I can I am moving to the south!

oh an by the way, Biola didnt offer me the full time job but I got another job offer. I will be working with matty P and making more that I am at Biola and I will get to leave work at 2:30 and not have to think aobut it until the next morning!

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Viva Las Vegas

So i am leaving Friday to coach a tournament this weekend in Vegas, baby, Vegas, and i am remniscing about the last time some of us were in the City of Sin.

To recap, we were at dinner at Fuzolis at about 8 PM in santa ana, started talking about what we were going to do that evening, and a little after midnight we were pulling into the MGM and tossing back White Russians like they all of the sudden were going to stop being free.

I dont remember much about what happened that night... other then Cody not losing any money, Bishop ending up in some poker games with some guys from U of Wisconsin that Elbrecht decided he hated (and told everyone who would listen), and then driving home around 8 AM in the Bishops new car that Mandy let us use out of the goodness of her heart, and as we pulled out of the Strip, Elbrecht puked all over the car and Bishops life flashed before his eyes. (luckily i think we were able to clean it up ok).

Damn those were good times.

Viva.

Why Women Have Ruined the World; Point #37

The Sale

So i have to pick up a white shirt for a wedding next week. Sounds simple enough right. So I walk into JC Penney's to get a shirt. Lo and behold there is a whole rack of shirts for $48. Given I only need one shirt I find that to be an ok price and decide to go to the register. Oh but this shirt is on sale, I was informed. By buying one shirt I was entitled to a second shirt at no cost what-so-ever. WOW can you believe my luck. It's like I've won the lottery but wait there's a catch. My experience went as follows:

Ok how about you just charge me $24 and we'll call it even... oh really I have to get another one. So even though I have no current need for two shirts I have to buy two shirts? So my other option is to pay for the price of two shirts and walk out the store with one shirt? Yes this sounds tremendously fair. Well ok I will go get another shirt that I have no need for. While I'm at it I had better get a swimsuit as I will be spending the next week in the Virgin Islands. Ok so here is my two shirts and swimsuit... That’s buy one get one free too huh? WHY THE HELL DONT YOU PACKAGE THESE IS 2 PACKS! Ok so not only do I have to get a second shirt I don’t need I also must get a second swimsuit I don’t need. Thanks! I pay, grab my bag and start to walk out the door and do you know what the sales lady had the balls to tell me? She said “you saved $57 today.” REALLY? DID I REALLY SAVE $57 BECAUSE ACCORDING TO MY AGENDA I WAS GOING TO BUY 1 SHIRT AND 1 SWIM SUIT. $57 HUH? WELL FUCK ME I GUESS I’M THE BIG WINNER.

So I say this to you. There is no such thing as 50% off, 25% off or .001% off. You cant have a purchase price being less than the price for an item. The purchase price is the price of an item. Sales don't exist. Sales are just telling your customer you really wish you could charge more but do to a free market you are forced to sell your shirt at market prices. When I look at my bank statement at the end of the month I don't see a charge for a shirt at JC Penny's that says $58 but because it was on sale $38, your balance is therefore ± $20 depending upon how you choose to view it. I can't tell my bank that though I have no money in my account I did save $57 at JC Penny's today so in reality I have money in my account.

Now why are women at fault? Indifference! I don't go clothing shopping but once or twice a decade but women on the other hand weave in an out of Red Sale tagged isles like they are testing out the newest Ferrari on a daily (even hourly) basis. Women have had decades and decades to deal with this problem. If women were to really make this world a better place to live they would simply refuse to buy anything that wasn't honestly priced. Do we see the world getting any better? NO! Thanks to the modern woman we wind up with a trash can filled with burnt bras just to be replaced with a wonderbra that is buy one at double the price and get one FREE.

note Obviously I realize that a man had to come up with the marketing ploy seeing as how men still run the world. But there wouldn't be drug dealers without drug users.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

a message from pat

I got a letter in the mail yesterday and i was pleased that somehow in the course of this year i made it on a very coveted mailing list. i'm sure it will please drew that my conservative activities have places me in the good graces of mr robertson.

yadda yadda...

Friday, April 21, 2006

this is the way I feel!

Ichiro and Beltre are Terrible!!! I am dead serious! I am so sick and tired of both of them. It pisses me off. OK it was fun watching ichiro the past couple years gathering many a hit, but it has now got to a point where I am over it. He is not good. He swings a purse and his little infield hits with nobody on and when it means nothing to the outcome of the game make me sick. He cannot hit when it counts. I used to think he could, but no! All he cares about is himself! he has no concept of a team. He cares more about his friggn WBC team than he does the team that means something and pays him. I even heard that when he hit his 262 hits, all he cared about was the hits, he didnt care about the team at all. I am sick of him.

Beltre..SUCKS!!! I seriously dont even care if he hits 500 the rest of the season with 54 bombs. I still wont like him. I dont care if he hit 86 homeruns two years ago (during his contract year)! F Him. He sucks. He cant do anything that is meaningful to the M's (besides play defense, he can do that).

I am going to be completely honest right now.. If I had either one of these guys on my fantasy team, I would release them both. I am not talking about trading them, I would drop them and pick up two players that are ranked 347th and 425th.

I am sick of watching the M's suffer because of these two guys. They are supposed to be the reason the team wins games and they are the reason the M's are losing.

F Them both!!!

Go Mariners!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Holy shit

did you see south park last night. i'm sorry to all who are offended by oprah's talking vagina but i was crying the whole way through it it was so funny.

wanna get high

My Rage Against the Machine....

There was a time, growing up as a sheltered homeschooled lad who got four locals channels on the tv (five on a clear day) when the idea of watching ESPN everyday was more exciting than all the Charlston Chew I could eat. When the Bishop family would vacation in such exotic locals as Eastern Washington or Southern Utah one of my favorit things was watching Sportscenter on the cable tv wherever we stayed. The information was so plentiful, the highlights so amazing and the anchors so entertaining that I would watch the same Sportscenter at 10pm, 11pm and then the following morning at 8. In the days before the internet where the only alternative to Sportscenter was scanning box scores in the local paper (a tradition which continues today by the way) a 24/7 sports station was too good to be true.

It's over. ESPN is dead to me.

At what point did ESPN transition from reporting the news to creating the news simply to fill their schedule with breathless hacks like Woody Paige and Skip Bayless bantering away at each other? When did it not become enough to tell the stories but to tell us also how we should feel about it? ESPN has become a gargantuan monkey on the back of sports fans. They have their toe in every facet of the media; Magazine, check. Huge web site, check. Full services sports mobile phone services, check. The amount of sheer information at your fingertips thanks to the Worldwide Leader is mind boggling. This would be great if they didn't constantly tell you A) we're great. Love us. and B) We will also be the moral compass for all that is sports. The second one especially pisses me off and I know that this is something my esteemed colleague Nate M. Kerr has harped on before. I really don't give a flying rats ass what Scoop Jackson thinks about the Duke Lacrosse scandal. Nothing to due with Duke Lacrosse even belongs anywhere near the headlines of a sports network, especially something that doesn't even have to do with Lacrosse. What's my solution to this problem? Well it's to assign a scapegoat for all of my frustration and take it out on him of course. I therefore, give you this man.....

The "Grand Poobah" of ESPN offends the soul on so many levels. His humour tired and canned, he is a shameless self promotor and name dropper. Worst of all he is an egregious panderer to the social interest story. This ass has a "Top 10 plays of the week" segmant on the Sunday Sportscenter. This should be awesome. There are so many amazing athletic accomplishments in any given week that this should be some of the most entertaining TV of the week. Instead Berman insists on shoving feel good crap down your throat. This past week his number one "play" of the week was Baseball celebrating Jackie Robinson day. There was no highlight, just some ol black people in the stand clapping away. GGGGGGAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't need some fatass telling me that I should be awed by the accomplishments of Jackie Robinson as man and a human being, especially not in a segment that should be showing me the latest Vince Carter Jam or Albert Pujols bomb. For the love of all that is right in this world Chris, report the news or go away. We would all be indebted to you.

So there. That's my off the cuff rant at ESPN. I didn't even bring up how their influence has become so great that you could convincingly argue that sports teams not located in the Eastern Time Zone are at a legitamte competitive disadvantage due to the lack of coverage given them by this arrogant, insufferable orginization. They are evil, and they must be stopped. You now may resume your viewing of Bonds on Bonds.

brady this serbia picture just may beat out your serbia picture

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

a couple things

1) If you have not sent me your address, via email. You need to do it soon or you will not get to witness the most unheard of thing in the world, The G getting hitched.

2) Why hasnt anyone been posting, I miss it. I go out of town for a weekend and I dont have anything new when I come back... Bush League!

3) I am turning into somewhere different.. I spent close to $1000 on a couch and loveseat this weekend and we signed all of our apartment papers. Oh by the way, it is a little pricing to live in the crap hole of a place called So Cal!

4) I had my interview at Biola for the permanant position last week and it blew the big one. they asked me questions that would only be allowed at Biola (ie, because this job is so time consuming and you are just entering marriage, do you think it would put a strain on your marriage?) not legal!

5) I built a coffee table but for some reason my email is not recieving the photos of it to put up and show you guys.

6) I love baseball season!

7) I hate fantasy baseball season. In case you guys havent looked, I am in dead last. Have you seem my lineup?!? I am changing my team name to Jerry's Kids. They are a bunch of Cluster-Fu*&s and all no namers! screw this season.

8) I love and miss you dudes. you all better be at my wedding.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Worst Movie Ever

Two weeks ago I decided what the hell I’ll go ahead and toss two hours of my life away. That’s right I went to see V for Vendetta or as I now affectionately refer to it V for SUCK MY ASS. How can you put two knife fight scenes in a movie and expect it to be carried by its action (there is no way anyone assumed the dialogue would carry this movie).

Half way through the movie I was horrified to find out that Natalie Portman in fact cannot act. And now feel it important to institute a one-bald-movie-minimum for every up and coming hottie (yes that includes you Heath Ledger) that way I never fork over seven dollars again for wavy brown hair.

What about the political message? Didn’t you find that disturbing? Well in fact I probably would have found the message disturbing if I could have quit laughing throughout the whole movie (despite the occasional elbowing to my rib cage). Have you ever seen those funnels that you can put a coin in and the coin spins round and round finally making its way to the bottom of the funnel and finally landing at the bottom on a stack of coins with a satisfying little plink? The movies that the Wachowski brothers have made seem to follow this Children’s Miracle Network pattern. Matrix 1, fun fun fun, I love watching this coin spin in long arcs. Matrix 2 the momentum is fading. Matrix 3 the coin is there in the bottom of the funnel and barely holding on. V for SUCK MY ASS…..plink.

Now sense I couldn’t suspend my disbelief at all in the movie due to how poor the dialogue was I though I would make a few observations. First what is the deal with the monologue? In V’s 121 word monologue 50 of the words start with V. Well good for him he’s picked a theme and decided to write himself a monologue in order to introduce himself. I just picture V sitting in his lair thinking “now you know I could just kick the bad guys asses and then topple the British government but how should I introduce myself...” So V decides to take a few days off from his fine art collecting and subway track laying to pull out his dictionary and thesaurus. A few days later he’s got himself a perfectly respectable introductory monologue. The highlight of his monologue “However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.” Good for you V. Also congratulations on thinking up a great logo before commandeering British television.

Leaving V alone for a minute I just wonder why the ministers of Brittan never asked themselves if they may have let power get to their head. I’m fine with the leader of a country operating out of a secure location but it’s a little much to ask your subordinates to communicate with you via Jumbotron. Let this just be a warning to you, if some day you show up for work and your boss has decided that all future communications will mean you sitting in front of a 30 foot screen and talking to his 30 foot head, well you might just be working for someone who wants to kill gay people and Muslims.

Now are we really supposed to believe that just before V gets ready to topple the British government he goes out and purchases 30,000 dominoes (he probably got a good deal on them after purchasing 200,000 masks) in order to set them up in his lair? Hey I’ve got a good idea. I’m about ready to topple a government how about I set up 30,000 dominoes in the design of my logo. That way I can topple the dominoes as a foreshadowing to actually toppling the government. Get it? Okay I realize there is foreshadowing but no, V is not setting up dominoes in his lair. Maybe the Wachowski brothers could have put in a dream sequence or had V (or better yet the Jumbotron prime minister) unknowingly bump into things and the camera could have watched them topple in slow motion.

Of course I couldn’t help but laugh at the numerous clichés in the movie. V plays the courageous government toppling revolutionary and yet heads home to a lair filled with Diana Krall’s sultry jazz and the banned fine art. How about Natalie Portman’s gay friend who kept the Koran in his secret room so that he could “appreciate its beauty and poetry?” Let’s just not tell her friend that a lot of people who appreciate the beauty and poetry of the Koran don’t have a whole lot of tolerance for his particular orientation.

What takes the cake is V’s statement when Natalie Portman is getting ready to leave, “you know off all the times I’ve heard this song I’ve never danced to it.” At this point in the movie the tears were flowing freely as I couldn’t stop laughing. I wanted to say “maybe you could have danced once or twice if you hadn’t spent all your time rebuilding a subway on your own.”

Best Non-Intentionally Funny Movie Award goes to… V for SUCK MY ASS

Friday, April 07, 2006

Opinion Poll

What are the odds that Drew's reentry to the USA will be similar to this.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

update

so as of tomorrow i will be in mexico with the youth group for 10 days or so, returning a week from saturday.

a couple of thoughts:

1) this is REALLY going to F up the start of fantasy baseball season (unless bishop doesnt allow anyone to pick up any extra players until after i am back, hint hint).

2) if for some reason they dont allow me back in the country... i love you all and will miss you.

bon voyage

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

elbrecht and lance.(and anyone else).

fantasy baseball league.

now.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Brokeback Mariner?

Say it ain't so Ichiro.

Those Pearly Whites

You should have seen the look on my face when the lovely Elizabeth Anne Browning said "Yes" last night. Well, it looked something like this:

Yes, fellas, I am engaged, and it was all caught on tape. I'll work on getting it on the blog someday, but for now, know that the only better looking man than Scott Bao is now off the market.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

For those who just don't spend enough time online....

My wife and her friend Amy started a blog. Entertain yourself by offending sweet, innocent girls with comments of astonishing innapropriatude!!! Just remember, she's not just my wife, she's Tyler's sister. And you don't want to make Tyler mad.

For Those Of You That Said I Couldn't Do It....

SUCK IT!

Stage one... Lumber

Stage two.. begin cutting and gluing

Stage three... almost completed footboard

stage four... headboard and footboard

stage five... put together

stage six... paint (this hasnt been done yet)

And just for fun... here is an end table I built out of spare wood

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Fantasy Baseball!?!?!?!? HOOOORAYYYYYY!!!!!!

Join the league my soon to be bitches.

League ID #: 324333

Password: unknown

It is so on.

Jared J. Andrew P. Nate E. Garrett A. Cody H. Paul Smith Brady K. Tyler T. Nate B.

You might find the name of this blog a bit strange, however it makes perfect sense to a small and tight-knit group of friends who often find now that college is over and they have all moved on with “life”, the only time that all their paths cross again is at weddings. The title of this blog is not only a tribute to a wild, intoxicated night spent being pursued by a butchy park ranger in the backwoods of the WA (aka the "f'ing unknown) during a certain bachelor party, but also a tribute to life in general. It may be an “F’ing Uknown” but if we all make a point to grab a couple beers and meet up every now and again, we will get through it ok.

Grab Two Beers And Meet Me In the F'ing Unknown