The Epic RPG/Adventure Game...The F-ing Unknown
So as you may or may not know I am one of the few proud video game players on this blog. I have spent many an hour grabbing Shines, saving Princess Zelda and destperately trying to avoid the Day of the Tentacle (insert graphic Garrett joke here). My recently deflowered friend Cody likes to refer to these games as Gay Ass Videogames, or GAV's for short. So if in the future you see the GAV you'll understand and won't think I was referring to Garrett's favorite movie the Great Amsterdam Vasectomy. Anyways I got to thinking what if we were all GAV characters. With that in mind here is each of us in the form of a Gav Hero or Heroine (Note that this does not include Brady, our most recent wanderer. This is due, quite frankly, to me being terrified of Brady):
Garrett Anderson as...
Conker the incredibly Crude Squirrel. Conker's horny, foul and furry. Just like Garrett.
Andruw Martin as......
Wario!!! Wario is the evil version of Mario. He's also, like Mario a minority. Wario excels at the art of menial labor. Specifically, plumbing. Now while Dru isn't a plumber personally I think that we can all agree that it's fun to give him our shit.
Nate Elbrecht as....
Solid Snake from Metal Gear Solid! Snake and Nate have a lot in common. They're both quiet, pissed off and deadly. They both have enough personal issues to personally employ all of Rosemead. With wit as sharp as their bony little elbows, these two are amongst the deadliest men alive (especially drunk).Jared Johnson as.....
Donkey Kong! Donkey Kong and Jared share many striking similarities. They both have hair covering every part of their bodies. They both are pretty intimidating at first glance but the more you get to know them you realize that they are just sweet, friendly creatures with opposable thumbs.
And finally yours truly as....
Manny Calavera from Grim Fandango! Well dressed, suave and well spoken. Manny nonetheless feels somewhat dead when the party stops and the people aren't there. Evan still he is a powerful friend and a dangerous enemy.These five intreped heroes would not be complete without a mortal enemy for whom to do battle with and to provide them with evil plots to foil. Last but not least I give you Jon Bechtal as......
The Great Mighty Poo!!!!! He's loud and full of Bullshit. To the GAV-mobile!!!!!
posted by Nate B @ 11:50 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
I killed 5 people this morning in my new role as a GAV. I also think I saw Bechtal sneaking out of a cows asshole on the drive to work this morning. He waas quite runny and steamy.
thank you nate e, for the most disgusting comment yet.
i have to say, upon re-reading this post, its actually pretty damn funny. I mean, when you ignore the fact we are talking about GAV, its definitely one of the best yet.
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