The World Cup in a Nutshell
Well the time has come once again for me to hang up my tattered #20 NASCAR hat and put the El Monte Chimichanga’s down. It’s time to turn our attention away from E3 and fantasy baseball (of which Drew is falling behind due to not having 8 paid hours a day to work on it). My friends it is time for us to set our Anchor Steam down, Drew you need not set down your watery Michelob Ultra (but you must stop looking at their billboards) and raise a Stein of Budweiser (official sponsor) and toast the coming of the WORLD CUP 2006.
This June 9th to July 9th event is the sports shaped hole you’ve been trying to fill with basketball, football and even the (*shutter*) Olympics. Ahhh, but what we come to relearn every 1,461 days is that there is nothing that can fill this hole, save one, soccer. Olé! There is only one event that allows the great satin (You and I) to go up against Iran and beat them 2-0 without George Bush making a few poorly worded speeches. Only one sporting even has caused countries to call peace to wars. There is only one sporting event that gives you a great excuse to stay up all night drinking and yelling Scheiße at the TV, SOCCER. Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé!
So here are some previews of what to expect. As official beer sponsor, Budweiser had the exclusive right to sell beer at the world cup. IN GERMANY! Months of newspaper editorials and talk shows bashing the world’s largest beer maker has caused Anheuser a lot of bad press. In addition Anheuser can’t simple go by the name Budweiser because as we all know the real Budweiser is a Czech beer brewed just a few hundred kilometers to the east of the World Cup. It was also ruled by the German courts that Bud was too close a name to a popular German beer named bit. Anheuser in response decided that it would be better to allow other beers to be served at the World Cup as opposed to being hated by the whole world (it didn’t work for George and it don’t work for beer).
Watch the Brazilian Team games. There are three reasons for this. First, Brazil will win the World Cup. Secondly, Ronaldo will be playing. He is so good that somehow he can take the ball hide it in his jock strap and walk right into the goal without violating a single FIFA rule. Reason #3 is Brazilian women love their Brazilian soccer. Believe me you want to spend time watching that which Brazilian women love.
The US team, according to past history, will undoubtedly loose to Germany in yet another close game but the good thing is that when we meet Germany it will be in the semi-finals. Way to go semi-finals, we rock. We are in Group E with Ghana, Italy and Czech. Italy and Czech will be difficult teams but having seen Ghana play in the Africa’s Cup of Nations I don’t think they will be all that difficult to trounce. We will have to finish in the top two in order to make it to stage 2. If we finish second then it’s likely that we will play Brazil who will finish top in their group. That’s good because then you will be forced to watch that which Brazilian women love. That’s bad because we will be eliminated from the World Cup in less than 9 seconds.
It’s going to be fun to watch the classics McBride, Pope and Reyna but this cup I see Landon Donovan and Eddie Johnson stepping up and making some sweet plays. Once again I expect to finish out this World Cup experience wishing that somehow the US Soccer organization would hire someone to replace Bruce Arena who hasn’t done anything different, since, well… EVER! Any improvement in the US soccer program has to be attributed to the silent army of middle aged maternal SUV drivers seeking fulfillment through their child’s soccer performance (God bless that insecurity).
It is unfortunate that the likely hood of the US meeting Iran on the soccer field to settle their nuclear differences is slim to none. However, just for the record, I wouldn’t mind staking the fate of the Middle East on a good 11 v 11 man match.
Keep an eye open for Mr. Stan Dennison who will be cruising Germany during the month of the World Cup (understand the last sentence was typed while breaking the tenth commandment). If SportsCenter starts out with “A flexing, toned, American introduces his tan to the World” then buckle up because odds are you know that toned American.
Also know that trying to predict the flavor of this year’s World Cup is a huge wild card. I’ve said it before and I will say it again. Japan and German have the weirdest cultures on the planet. Given the beer prowess of the German peoples expect extreme weirdness to be mixed with intoxicated beer bellied men in leather pants. Add one Stan and you’ve got yourself a World Cup for the history books.
Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé!
posted by Nate @ 10:02 AM
5 comments
5 Comments:
hey skunk spot.. remember when we had soccer class together with Coach Orr (self-proclaimed best soccer coach ever!) and I was second in scoring and he gave a biola calculator for my efforts
right
so here's my idea we switch Bruca Arena with Coach Orr and give every US soccer team member a Biola calculator.
we couldn't do much worse. G you just have to promise me that you will write a review of Coach Orr's performance and get it published in the chimes. if your going to burn bridges you might as well do it with a B52 bomber. job well done.
Is Freddy Adu on the US team this year? Is Zenadine Zidane a real French name? Will Cameroon beat its overlords again? Why am I so strangely interested?
Zidane is awesome and the only good thing that has ever come out of france besides kissing. Zidane basically carried the french team to victory in thier European Cup victory.
Adu did not make the team but he did ride a lot of bench during the qualifying matches and will be on the roster next World Cup.
Cameroon would have gone down in flames had they qualified. There are five teams from Africa that did make it including the country formerly known as the Ivory Coast.
I am SOOOO pumped for this. the reason is, whenever i wear my Chivas Mexicano jersey, mexican occasionally roll by in their gardening trucks and yell Viva Chivas with their fists in the air.
I also get Supersized upgrades for free at most fast food restaurants.
i freaking love soccer!!!!!!
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