Next week Drew will be leaving for a trip to our neighbors to the South. Since this is a trip that is planned solely by Brian Weakley there is a high probability that Drew will meet his maker just after his rental car creaks down in the mountains of Mexico. Brian of course will be able to fight his way back to the USA using a helicopter technique with his unusually large wang. As sole executor of Drew Martin's estate I have decided to divvy up his worldly possessions as follows:
Jared: Drew would like you to have his copy of Mike Tyson's Punch out. He believes that given your recent E3 post no one is more deserving nor would appreciate it more than you.
Cody: Drew has recorded 14 hours of giggling so that on lonely nights when you miss him you will be able to put in a CD grab a pillow and tickle away.
Garrett: Drew leaves you all his used socks and a pile of envy that you are freaking getting married in a month to a baaaaabe.
Nate B: Drew bequeaths you the basketball that rolled around in the back of Clifford for a good 3 years.
Tyler: Drew leaves you a sense of adventure (i.e. Grab two beers and meet me in the F'ing unknown) as well as the photo album he amassed by taking telephoto shots of you. May you come to love your body as much as Drew loves your body.
Paulass: Drew passes down to you his ability to be completely wasted and yet somehow mumble "yust wuuuhhhh..... Wuhhhhh.... one more"
Now there are a few things to also divvy up.
A) I think it is only fair that whoever gets Jodie also should get the rock that Drew has been carrying for a year and hasn't dropped. It makes sense that Paul should receive this honor but I am willing to entertain bids and other offers.
B) Since there will be one less Cal Superfan in the world Drew has requested that in his death a USC or Stanford Superfan be sacrificed. I would be more than happy to carry out this action if someone would direct me to the appropriate Superfan.
C) Someone will have to take on the roll of falling ass backwards into concert tickets, high paying jobs and peace protests.
D) There will need to be a historian appointed to retell the stories of the Emerson years (adding 2 to 3 new alterations a year).
E) Finally there will need to be someone to explain to Drew's mother that Drew has simple decided to become a Trapist monk (the non-beer brewing kind) and due to his vow of silence he will never be able to talk to her again.
posted by Nate @ 10:05 AM
2 comments
2 Comments:
fellas, i really dont have the words...
oh and ps--- just to clarify (brady).... said "rock" does not exist. thats just elbrecht being elbrecht.
good day.
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