be gentle, its my first time
I would like to make my first post/toast. I am going to keep it short and sweet. I have known you guys since freshman year and if any of you out there know these guys like I do, you all know that they have a HUGE collection of.... DVD's. As you guys could tell, today has been extremely hard on me. You guys and I have been really soppy today. I just want to give my quick 4 part Baptist sermon on why I am the best of best men for this blog and try to impress all the onlooking desparate bride's maids. I spent a lot of time preparing this during my walk in the park in deep prayer, I know you saw me! well I hope all the spiritual-male needing bridesmaids did. Anyway, I spent many a hour praying for this moment, remember, you saw me during that quick 9 hour photos shoot that the groomsmen were so involved in. But you know what, screw the groomsmen, I am the best man on this blog and this is about me and the groom and his soon bride. This is our day, dont ruin it for us!
before we start bloggin though I would like to continue this post my saying how great of a friend I am. while I am saying all this I can see that there are the guys at the head table laughing, that must mean that I am funny so I am going to keep going. (mean while, the laughing guys are laughing at me and thinking about how they would rather get a barbwire enema than listen to the rest of my post). But you know what? screw everyone who has been reading for the last 12 minutes this is about me!
Ok next part.
Did anyone happen to see the glory that is David Ortiz last night?!?
Mr. Walk-off himself. I am glad to see that he always goes off on the Angels. I am perfectly fine with that. HOWEVER, he is a silverback gorilla who is the missing link. He requires the shift to be played against him which means he cannot go the other way which means, to me, that he is not a great hitter. He does not where batting gloves to spare his hands from blisters but instead to keep his knukles from dragging on the ground as he rounds the bases.
enough about that... Felix, yes I would bare his children!
Barry Bonds is... no matter what I say about him the Corkey(from life goes on) giants fans will say some gay comment like, "it doesn't take steroids to have hand-eye coordination" well you know what? it doesnt, that is right but it does take steroids to hit a ball an inch above your thumbs 475 feet into McGay cove!
A's- Nick Schwisher is gay and I mean gay, he walks around tasting himself like he is swinging a dirty D.
Huston Street- I would be gay with him. This guy rules!
well that is all for now, but dont you worry as thoughts pop into my mind they will be posted!
bye
posted by Garrett @ 9:58 AM
6 comments
6 Comments:
holy crap. ladies and gentlemen... garrett anderson. offensive on so many levels. and we love him for it.
Steroids dont help your hand eye coordination
Big words from someone who cock-watches in the locker room
Damn I wish I had drafted David Ortiz for my fantasy baseball team.....(pause)......(pause).....(jumps of roof of whatever evil conglomerate he has sold his soul to this month).
Man, second place rules! I am so fortunate that drew allowed me to occupy this position for nearly two months now. I mean, his team is so dominant, it is a privelege to say that I am in his shadow! Man, I freaking love being #2!
jared:
1. go to hell
2. close, but no.
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