Let's get ready for some football!!!!
As the fall leaves turn redder than Jonsey's ass after a good spanking and the air turns as crisp and clean as Garrett Anderson's uniform the time has come to once again set aside our sabbaths, forsake church and get ready for some NFL action!!!!! The NFL rocks because it is easily the most unpredictable league in professional sports. With worst to first stories such as the Rams, Falcons and Chargers just in the last ten years, the only certain things in the NFL anymore are that LA isn't gonna win a game and the Seahawks won't win a playoff game (21 years and counting. Tick...tick...tick). With all that said here is the definitive breakdown of the forthcoming NFL Season with each team related to a film.
AFC East:
1. Buffalo (12-4) Spiderman. Unexpected excellence.
2. NY Jets (10-6) Finding Neverland. Kinda soft but still pretty damn good.
3. New England (8-8) Star Wars Episode I. Can't live up to the legacy of the past.
4. Miami (5-11) Dazed and Confused. Ricky Williams smokes weed!!! Get it!!!! GET IT!!!! DAMN!!!!!
AFC North
1. Pittsburgh (11-5) The Island. The best Michael Bay movie but still a Michael Bay movie.
2. Cincinnati (9-7) The Bourne Identity. Underrated quality.
3. Baltimore (8-8) Space Cowboys. So many damn old guys.
4. Cleveland (4-12) The Haunting. Unbelievably forgettable.
AFC South
1. Indianapolis (13-3) Amadeus. Watching true greatness before your very eyes. (Give us us... Championship?)
2. Jacksonville (10-6) Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Not as good as you think it is.
3. Houston (8-8) Ten. David Carr.....The Bo Derek of the NFL?
4. Tennessee (3-13) The Land Before Time VI. (shakes head)
AFC West
1. San Diego (13-3) Pirates of the Caribbean. So good for only one reason...Captain LaDanian Tomlinson.
2. Kansas City (11-5) Ronin. Unbelievable chase scenes. That's about it.
3. Denver (8-8) Hardball. Terribly cast lead role.
4. Oakland (6-10) Up In Smoke. See Dolphins joke. Then laugh your freakin' ass off!!!!!
NFC East
1. Philadelphia (12-4) The OC. So...much...drama.
2. Dallas (8-8) Legends of the Fall. OVERRATED (clap clap clappity clap)
3. NY Giants (8-8) Die Hard II. Just kinda irrelevant.
4. Washington (7-9) Waterworld. Big budget, big stars, bad, bad product.
NFC North
1. Detroit (11-5) Napoleon Dynamite. Completely out of nowhere. Shouldn't be good. Is good.
2. Minnesota (10-6) Moulin Rouge. Beautiful to watch at its best moments.
3. Green Bay (9-7) Entrapment. The last gasp of a fading legend.
4. Chicago (5-11) Snow Dogs. Just plain awful.
NFC South
1. Atlanta (13-3) Lord of the Rings. Powerful, fast, complete.
2. Carolina (10-6) Finding Nemo. Your ashamed of it. But you know you love it.
3. New Orleans (9-7) Armageddon. Not that good but you know that at some point your gonna cry.
4. Tampa Bay (6-10) Legally Blonde II. A bad sequel to a bad original.
NFC West.
1. St. Louis (10-6) War of the Worlds. You hate that it's good.
2. Seattle (10-6) The 40 Year Old Virgin. Been to second and third every now and them, but never quite gotten there.
3. Arizona (7-9) Men of Honor. Thinks it's good. But sucks.
4. San Francisco (3-13) Love Boat. Gay and bad.
AFC Wild Cards:
Jacksonville and Kansas City.
NFC Wild Cards:
Seattle and Carolina
AFC Championship:
Indianapolis over Buffalo
NFC Championship:
Minnesota over Atlanta
Super Bowl XL:
Indianapolis over Minnesota.
Keep your eyes glued to the TV like Dru to Tara's mom as 30 teams do battle for the greatest trophy around......
posted by Nate B @ 8:09 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! Although I take exception to the oakland raiders crack. A lot of weed does not a bad team make. Kerry Collins to Randy Moss? Can this miss? bitch please.
Successful progams/people who smoke obscene amounts of weed: Randy Moss, Michael Jordan, the Miami Hurricanes,that guy with the cornrows on Playmakers, USC Football, Hot Sauce/Spyda/Sick Wit It, and Biola basketball.
excellent post my friend, filled with wit, which I enjoy like the ferf loves/loved cody
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